high above the sadness and the fear

title: kite song – artist: patty griffin

Michael Clayton was the movie we went to the day my mom forced me out of the house in late January. It was also the day that I found out a freakishly large margarita could only get me barely buzzed and that only lasted until I got out of the bathroom, and not even to the car. A detail I share more for color than any relevance to the rest of this entry, really. 🙂

This is the scene I will always remember this movie for, despite the fact that it has very little to do with the movie as a whole.

Again with the transcript for those unable to view the video:

Your uncle Timmy, and I mean this, on his best day was never as tough as you. I’m not talking about crying or the drugs or anything. I’m talking about in his heart, in his heart, you understand me? And all this charming bullshit, this "Big Tim, Uncle Boss" bullshit, and I know you love him and I know why, but when you see him like that, you don’t have to worry because that’s not how it’s going to be for you. You’re not going to be one of these people that goes through life wondering why shit keeps falling out of the sky around them. I know that. I know it. Okay? I see it every time I look at you. I see it right now. I don’t know where you got it from, but you got it. Okay?

In a lot of ways, these quote-related entries have been about the conversations I wish someone had had with me at those pivotal moments one encounters just prior to being faced with the scenarios they address. And this coming from a girl who has had the great and blessed fortune of being raised by a mother, who, while not perfect, was (and is) remarkably insightful and caring and instilled in me, from a very early age, the inability to make decisions without seeing some semblance of the consequences, if not a pretty full-blown picture of them.

I’ve still done some really stupid stuff, many things I am not proud of and wish I hadn’t done. But, on the whole, when faced with the opportunity to do something that would likely be detrimental, or otherwise idiotic, I had a pretty good handle on the likely outcome(s) before I could even get an answer out, one way or another.

That said, not everyone has had the gift of a mom like mine. And even with that edge, I still could’ve used a bit more. So… here we are.

If I could, I would sit you down, look you in the eye and tell you this. No matter how horrible it has been, no matter how horrible you have been, no matter how many days, weeks, months or years you’ve lived in compromise and passivity, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve earnestly believed there was better and weren’t just kind of hoping it still existed, no matter… you have it in you, you have everything in you that you need to live that life you’ve been secretly yearning for. It is so, so possible. And it isn’t nearly as hard as you think.

If no one has ever had a conversation with you like that man had with his son, then take this moment as your own. Make it your own. Even if someone has said the exact opposite to you about you, know they are only right if you believe them and continue to live your life in a way to prove them right. Every argument , even a weak, flimsy one, can find ways to support itself. If it couldn’t, it wouldn’t be able to exist in the first place. So why not believe better? Why not be defined by the good, rather than the lacking?

Please, please do me a favor. I know these are outside links and I’m asking you to navigate away from your routine for a few minutes and to read something additional, but I promise you, if you’ll read these (very short) articles and apply the principles within (consistently), there’s no way your life will be the same even just a few weeks from now.

Just click here and here (they’ll open in a new window).

I love you. Really.