Not much, really

Not much to say, but that usually means I’ll end up with a huge, long entry. You know how it is… once one gets started, more and more thoughts come about. I don’t think that’ll be the case with me this morning, though.

Why, Anon? Why won’t you be going on and on as you normally do? Because, my pet… I’ve got the flu again! This is the fourth time since getting the flu shot that I’ve gotten sick with it. Apparently I have one of those new ones that isn’t taken care of by the shot. I probably don’t keep re-contracting it; I probably just never fully get over it and, depending upon how much rest I’m getting, how I’m taking care of myself, it either stays at bay or flares up. Since I’m sleeping hardly at all, not eating well, allowing myself to stress out… yep… ripe for the pickin’.

I feel a good deal better this morning so I hope it’s on its way out once and for all. I’m so sick of brown rice I could shoot myself in the foot, and would give just about anything for a huge plate of biscuits and gravy right now (with a pound of bacon on the side). Mmmm… that sounds good!

I was poking around on Bing, in the images looking for some of Santa Fe that I like. It was too hard to narrow down from the thousands upon thousands they have. I had to put the roadrunner as my profile pic for this entry because it’s the state bird of New Mexico. There’s one that lives by my clinic that I see from time to time. They just fascinate me, although I’ve never actually heard one go, “Meep meep!!!”

Now that the weather is starting to turn nicer (fingers crossed) I’m hoping that this will be the Spring/Summer I can get over a lot of the anxiety that keeps me trapped at home so that I can get out there and enjoy this place, my home, the place I dreamed about coming back to to live for so, so many years. With the huge monthly financial hit I’ve recently taken I won’t be able to do some of the stuff I want to do. But a lot of what I really, truly like to do doesn’t cost a dime, or at least the cost is minimal.

I’ve just noticed that as the morphine level in my system continues to get lower and lower I feel more motivated to get off of the couch and do something, go somewhere… anything rather than sit and rot, which I’ve been doing for the five years since I moved back here. It’s time for me to re-claim my life, you know? Twelve or fifteen years of morphine prescriptions (can’t remember exactly how long) have done nothing for me but maybe relieve a bit of pain. More than the benefits, I’ve had to suffer the consequences: lack of energy; lack of drive; loss of interest in just about everything; “hiding out” from people in general; sitting on the couch doing nothing but gaining weight.

It’s time for me, now. It’s not going to be easy. I’ve got some mental health stuff to deal with while trying out this new life. I’m determined to start living again, something I’ve not done for a couple of decades now. Keep urging me on, won’t you?