**Not the pussy you think I am** (edit)

Thanks to a special diary pal for renewing me!!!

I’m hangin’ in there over the past few days. I still wasn’t feeling well yesterday so I tried to get an appointment at the clinic. They were totally booked so I scheduled one for today, before my appointment with my counselor. I got set up with WG, a nurse practitioner who is really great. But late afternoon I received a call from the clinic front desk letting me know that WG was in an accident (on his motorcycle, I believe) a bit before and broke his leg. So my appointment for late this morning is canceled; and I can’t get another until tomorrow at 10:30. Unfortunately, I cannot make that appointment because I have the IOP class from 9 a.m. until 12 noon. And I must make it to the class unless my fever comes back. I was sent home at first break on Tuesday due to illness; and I was sent home from yesterday afternoon’s physical therapy appointment as well. The PT, who was doing my six-week evaluation for the orthopaedist in order for him to extend PT a certain amount of time (which was expected). I guess, just as we were about done, after using the pulley apparatus to show how much improved my extension is, I lost all color in my face. The PT said, “No more for you, mister. You’re going home!” I was feeling so poorly that I didn’t argue.

I’m going to not worry about being seen for this latest flu or whatever it is I have going on because it seems to be on its way out. As I said, I no longer have the fever. I only threw up once yesterday, after I got home from PT. The headache and achiness seem to be doing a lot better. And the nausea, while not gone by any means, is at least tolerable. So I guess I’m getting better on my own, which is probably what any provider would have told me I needed to do anyway, right? The usual, huh, meaning drink plenty of fluids, get tons of rest, etc.? I’ve been trying to do all that anyway although the resting has been difficult because of stressors I have going on. Again… no temp tomorrow and I will have my butt at the class.

I am praying that I got the insurance situation with my former employer straigtened out once and for all (or until next year when they do this to me again!). I made myself call after I wrote my last entry the other day. Doing so caused me tons of distress and I started to cry even before I finished punching in the phone number on my phone. But by the time I got onto the sign-in part I was dry-eyed for the most part. The first rep with whom I spoke asked me questions, trying to access my information. Since I don’t have a “person number,” something which they still won’t tell me how I’m suppose to get set up, nor do I have some other number I’d never even heard of before, the rep asking me had used up two of the three chances she could use to get into my stuff. I got the next two questions right (d.o.b. and SSN), but then she asked me something else I’d never heard of, and that locked her out of my info for 24-hours. Aargh! She told me to call back, talk with another rep, explain that i don’t have/never had had the new information required so the new rep would need to ask me different security questions. I called back, got a different rep, and followed the first rep’s instructions. The second rep got into my information and looked into the problem, why my insurance had been dropped. It turns out the clinic missed a payment way back in June which put the payments behind by a month. I got no notice of this, nor was it reflected properly on any statement I received (which I look at before turning it in to the woman at the clinic who handles my premium payments). So at year’s end the system showed that there was a remaining outstanding balance. Even though it had been caught up, the bank automatically switched that first of the year payment for 2013, leaving the previous oustanding balance dangling. And that is what caused me to be dropped even though the missed payment was from over six months before. The rep submitted a request for reinstatement, and told me she would call me on the 19th with the updated status and to let me know that I’m back on track. Instead, I came home to a phone message from her yesterday.

I need to return the call this morning to find out what’s going on. If I’m reinstated, that’s great! I’ll need to make sure I get the total balance due to bring current my premium payments. I’ll need to deduct from that the amount of the check I received from the bank for “refund of premium overpayment” that was kicked back to me when they got the payment for insurance that had been cancelled. I mailed it back to them a couple of days ago, so they don’t have it yet. I’ll give the woman at the clinic the total due, letting her know there is a 30-day grace period granted to me to bring it all current. (The actual grace period is 60 days, but I’m cutting it in half when I tell her because things always seem to get left until the last minute and I want to make sure it’s all done on time.) She’ll have to deduct any other payments she’s made (one was received by the bank recently because I got an e-mail letting me know… I’m sure another check has been cut to me which I’ll have to return also!)

So, in a little bit, I’ll make the call that will hopefully let me know I’ve gotten my insurances back and all is well. If there is any problem of any kind I don’t know what my reaction will be. I’m on the verge of tears and self-harm over it all anyway. I’ve not self-injured for over a month now (!) and I don’t want to go back to doing it now, you know?

The other big financial issue going on… the electric bill sitch that the clinic stopped paying without telling me, appears to still not be totally taken care of, either. I check the balance this morning online and saw that the bill is still almost $470!!! I did everything I could do to give the clinic extra time to bring the bill current since without warning I have to take it over from now on. I even applied for and got a payment extension to the 15th to give the clinic an extra three and a half weeks to get it taken care of. I’ve also received nothing back, nor is it indicated online, that the elec company received the form completed by myself, my doc and my worthless case manager, requesting that I not be cut off because of the oxygen therapy I really need to be on. I was worried about that because it had to be mailed from the clinic, meaning it was left in the hands of Todd, aforementioned worthless case manager. He is also the one who was supposed to hand-deliver all of the paperwork to the woman who will pay the bill to bring it current (same lady who handles the insurance, by the way); but again, no payment has been made yet as far as I can tell, and I have until Friday to get it all done and current. I get the feeling Todd, piece of shit that he is, was remiss, didn’t take care of it befor

e he left for a three-week medical absence, and I’ll have to try to deal with the woman covering for him who will have almost no idea what has been going on.

Let me reiterate here: I very much appreciate the help the clinic has given me over the past couple of years, picking up the electric bill so I could pay for WW and some other out-of-pocket medical stuff. And I am so, so glad that the clinic has the program which takes care of my insurance premiums because it is less expensive for them to pay those than to pay for almost all of my stuff (post-Medicare payment) that isn’t covered by Medicare and can run exceedingly high. I’ve been lucky for the most part, and the clinic has been a big help. I’m trying to remember that as I deal with these two huge fuck-ups, you know? I do better some times than others, that’s for sure.

Okay, gotta get off of here and call BofA. Hopefully that’ll go smoothly, it won’t take long and I can then take a jaunt to the convenience store and back. After that I need to get some sleep, as last night was a bitch and a half and I’m exhausted. As I say over and over here, I almost never get enough sleep unless I’m really sick or in withdrawal, and then those sleeps aren’t restful. Oh, what I’d give to be able to sleep a good four or five hours without interruption, without illness of any kind. I’m sure I’d die of shock if it ever happens; but at least I’d die rested! LOL!

Have a great day, OD peeps. Sorry this has been so long. What else would you expect from me? I’m really not happy when I go on and on for ages, as I most often do here at OD. If you think it’s bad here and that I can be all over the place, you should be around me in person!