Getting what you ask for

I’ll apologize ahead of time for sounding a little whiny. It’s because I am. But just know that I’m writing this in order to not have psycho-girl-vomit come out of my mouth onto my loving boyfriend who does try his best to keep me happy.

Anyway.

I don’t know if I’ve written on here how much I’ve been wishing Greg would find some of his own friends. It’s not that I don’t love spending time with him, I just didn’t want him to feel like I was his entire world down here. I mean, the majority of the friends he has are through me — and my friends do really like him. I did drunkenly blurt this out one night to him, and apologized profusely when it upset him. So he met some guy named James at the gym about a month ago. It started with texting him all the time while we were in Myrtle Beach. Then last week he skipped out on hanging out with me to go watch a UFC fight with him (which I was secretly elated that he didn’t want to hang out, I was exhausted, and I was glad he got to have some male bonding time). Now, tonight, he went to an amusement park with him.

This is where I’m going to sound like a crazy person.

I’m really upset that he went to the amusement park. I was genuinely looking forward to seeing him tonight. He’s been working night shift and I only get to see him on his off days — unlike when he’s working days and we spend almost every night together. So he worked all weekend and I was in Nashville (where I had a fucking blast). I guess I’m also a little hurt that he went when he knows how badly I’ve been wanting to go there. When I asked him what triggered the trip (which he said was last minute) he said "I don’t know, we were just bored I guess." How many fucking times have we been bored? And he’s never, ever thought "Oh hey, let’s go to an amusement park." Or anything out of the ordinary, really. It’s also really irritating that he couldn’t have told me sooner than 6pm. I could’ve very well made plans for tonight — or bought something to cook tonight. Now I’m going to have to go back to the fucking grocery store and buy something.

And then, of course, I start to wonder if James isn’t actually some other girl. But I doubt that. He’s never done anything to make me not trust him.

I just needed to get that out before I started sending accusatory text messages to him and ruin his fun. He deserves to have some fun with someone other than me. It’s what I wanted for him. I just wish it didn’t make me feel so sad.