:-(

im pretty good at hiding my emotions. let me re-state that, VERY good. lol there arent many people who can read me that well. it surprises me when they do. my mom does a lot. I think she secretly has psychic powers or something though, really!

like last week I was looking all over for tweezers and couldn’t find any! the next day my mom goes, oh by the way I found some tweezers in my bathroom if you need any. JUST OUT OF THE BLUE! she didnt know i was looking for them at all! and why the heck would she just say that to me?
she does stuff like that all the time.

any who…..I am stressed out

my goals right now are (in no particular order of importance)

#1 move out, get my own place, start a new chapter!

#2. get more acting jobs!

so far in the last year ive had only a part time job because the rest of the time was spent going to school. I didnt save up much money and what I did save was all spent in L.A because I was 100% positive I’d pick up an agent and move to L.A right away!

did not happen…..

went back to school and then when classes were over I was determined to get another job but my parents kept convincing me that I should just keep my part time job and focus on getting acting jobs! That my time was now!

I was an extra in a film which was great, but nothing else has popped up from extras only or anyone else yet. A few people mentioned some independent films that were going on which I got really excited about!

I contacted two people about one of the films being filmed in seattle, but nobody ever got back to me. I assumed that all the parts were already cast. The second one being filmed is in Alaska, and I thought long and hard about using my stand by ticket to go up there and audition. but even if I did make it I dont have enough money to rent an apartment up there and live there for a few weeks filming! It just wouldn’t work.

I am torn between putting my acting career on hold for now and working my ass off so that I can save up enough money to get out of the house and wait until I have enough money to really afford to continue all of this, or to do what I hate doing which is depend on my parents to keep paying things for me in order for me to stay living at home and keep trying to make it, because everyone keeps saying "you’re 21 you are almost TOO old to enter the acting business!" but I don’t like depending on my parents, and I want so bad to get out and be on my own and do everything on my own. I don’t want to be living at home when im 22, 23. *sigh*

I feel so stupid when people say "you’re 21 and still live at home?" well excuse me, all those people away from home right now that I know of are In school to be a lawyer, or phsychologist, or school teacher, and they have apartments which their parents are paying for. Now just because I chose a different path does not make me less responsible! I pay gas, I pay tabs, I pay for oil changes, I pay insurance. I pay for whatever I can! And yes I am lucky enough to have parents that are there to support me whenever I need them.

I just wish life was easier somehow 😛 I feel so much pressure I want to scream!