its hard to understand…

but trevor and i are back together. annoying to hear? yes, for those who have heard my blabbing on and on about how i was going to break up with him and finally did. but the thing is, nobody knows him like i do, and nobody was there to hear what he had to say. so he called me the other day and asked me if we could talk so i said yes. he pretty much said that he didnt mean to make me feel that he was in too deep. when he said the door was open on his side all he meant was that he wanted us to be able to be friends and still communicate with eachother and be ok with eachother. he said obviously his feelings for me are stronger than mine for his, but he had also considered breaking up with me a few times because like me, he cared about me but there are some things that i will never be able to connect with him on, like his knowledge and passion of musicians and music. its just that the only girls he is ever surrouned by are the girls at the bars he plays at, who are mostly just looking to get laid, and girls he might meet through friends, who have also proved to be trouble. he respects me more than any girl he has met so far and enjoys being around me more becausee he says i have a more positive effect on him. and so if we both still like eachother even if we aren’t "in love" with eachother, why break up for a stupid reason like "because we know it wont work down the road" and be lonely, instead of just enjoy eachother while we can until we come up with a plausible reason to leave such as findidn someone we might have a better connection with, or leaving because of a career opportunity.
i had no idea he felt that way and to tell you the truth i was kind of shocked! he still wantts to be with me even though im not in love with him? well, i guess we were both on the same plain and i didnt even know it. its hard to read him sometimes. he says he cant help saying nice things and complimenting me even if it makes me feel bad or guilty for not being able to say them back because he just respects me so much and thinks so highly of me. i guess i could understand that and i guess i could see how i could take that the wrong way. any who so long story short we are back together, not really boyfriend and girlfriend, but not friends with benefits. its a weird understanding between us. but yea it works because im not ready or looking for a serious relationship. its nice not to worry about it anymore.
ok well i better start on my homework!
hannah