i cried myself to sleep last night

it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, but after a year of being together i broke up with trevor. the minute i did it  regretted it. i didnt want to break up with him, i liked having someone to come home to , to hug, to kiss, to  hold , to cuddle with at night, to tickle…..but those were all the wrong reasons of staying with someone. i loved trevor but i wasnt in love with him, and i knew already that in the long run he wasnt the guy for me, so it would be selfish just to stay with him for comfort and physical needs. i hate hurting people, and i hated hurting trevor most of all because of how great a guy he is. he has treated me like any girl would love to be treated. and it was a good year, i cant say anything bad about it. i just cant help how i feel. it couldnt sleep last night and so megan stayed up with me for a long time and helped me cope. it was my first night in a year sleeping in my own bed haha, well pretty much. i got so used to having trevor there that it was awkward. its going to be hard the next few days, not going over there like i did every day this past year, or seeing him. or talking to his family or friends. sigh. it was weird to wake up this morning without a good morning kiss and hug and "ill see you later when i get off work" its back to being alone. and its going to suck being alone, but trevor made me realize that im not ready for a serious relationship. he said to me " you think all relationships have to do with marriage down the line, why do you take them so seriously? people date, people break up, you dont have to think ahead all the time." but the whole point of dating someone is to find the person you want to marry, and i know that any guy i get involved with right now is just going to get hurt so theres no point. ill just have to get used to not having someone there. gosh. im glad that trevor was the one i did all my firsts with, (except for sex) he was the first to ever see me naked, the first to share a bed with, the first to do sexual things with. i have no regrets ^_^ i liked doing those things with him. but now im alone again and its time for a brand new start. though its going to be hard. i feel like when i went on a diet off of sugar. i was so used to eating it that when i stopped, i craved it soooo much and wanted it sooo bad, even though i didnt need it, but over time i finally stopped craving it and soon didnt even want it anymore. im still at the craving point with trevor. im gonna miss him for a while. ill still worry about him though, because even if he isnt the guy for me, i still care about him.
well, i best be off to class.
Hannah