ever get that feeling….

where you have everything but still feel like somethings missing?
i remember what true happiness was………….

where did that feeling go? how can i find it again? i love my friends, but sometimes, i wish they could be a little more encouraging, maybe tell me every once in a while that im special to them instead of only on holidays…..sometimes i just like to hear that im something special to someone, that i bring some sort of meaning into their life. id like to feel important. smart. and id just like to hear it from the people whom i am closest with right now.

when i opened up aika and wendys letter, it brought tears to my eyes. i had never heard such nice things said about me, i had never known how much they appreciated my friendship. even though i know that they care and that we have always been friends, it was so nice to read how much they missed me and loved me and it let me know that i wasnt forgotten, that i wont be forgotten, and let me see the me that they saw through their eyes. its nice to know how other people see you, or how they value you. yes, of course i give my unconditional love, and i dont expect people to return such compliments or whatever, but there is nothing like someone you love telling you how much you mean to them. right now all i have are my friends. i had a true love at one point whom i will never forget. he brought light into my life even if that light was only to shine for a short while. at least now i know what real love feels like, so i will be able to recognize it again. and i know what it feels like to think that you have found a soul mate, a soul friend, and your other half. thanks to him, i now have something to look forward to.

i guess you could say i feel lonely, even with everyone around me each day, i feel lonely. i cant explain it.