im happy ^_^
my horoscope for today!
Spur-of-the-moment impulses light up your social life, and just when you need some cheering up, too. Flirtatious interactions and general merriment help you see that life can be very sweet when you least expect it.
Some mental clarity is required right now when it comes to your love life. Sure, romance can be hard to define, but pull away the extraneous stuff and you’ll see what’s really going on here.
wow, both so true! i was sick for a whole week with bronchitus *very very sick* , it was terrible! i couldnt stop coughing and so i couldnt sleep and didnt get any sleep for 2 days until i finally got the right medicine from a doctor and was able to rest 😛 i irritated my throat though so even though my sickness is gone, i will be coughing for another week. 😛 any who now that im not sick i saw ali and jen again and that made me really happy. i was beginning to feel very lonely because jen seemed to be off with her boyfriend and ali with netosha and her boyfriend and their friends and i felt like i had nobody especially with liz all the way in port townsend 😛 but last night i met jens boyfriend for the first time when we drank at her house and his friends were there too and it was so much fun! i realized how much i love jen and how much she deserves a nice guy like scott. shes waited a long time and im so happy for her ! And ali, shes so miserable because her boyfriend has these times where he goes through some sort of depression and isnt himself. he pushes her away and it gets really bad. they have been together for over a year and i couldnt see anyone who loves her more than he does, but this time when he started getting panic attacks and being depressed he tried breaking up with her 3 times. i dont get it, she doesnt get it , and even he doesnt get it. everyone knows its the depression of his talking and ali is just sad and waiting for him to get out of this mode and back to his normal self again. i really feel bad for her but i told her that she has to start realizing this may be something that wont stop and she has to find a way to deal with it or figure out if she cant deal with it. it made me mad at myself that i was ever jealous she was spending more time with him than me. i couldnt help it i missed her, but she still needs him and i feel so bad for her. i just sent her those cute pics of her and andy from halloween too 🙁
any who, when it comes to romance i really do need some mental clarity, but its hard to find. im having a hard time finding the answers lately and thats not usually me. usually i can find the answers so easy! Trevors smile makes me smile, his face lights up when he sees me, he tells me over and over again things about me and my personality that he loves and how hes never met anyone like me. he makes me feel special, but most of all, for the first time, i really feel like i dont have to make all the effort. that maybe, i dont have to try so hard with him because i wont have to worry getting the love i always wanted in return. because i will know already that hes there with open arms, and he wants me, he doesnt want to push me away. and maybe that scares me. it scares me that if i let him in, he could actually love me. its weird how easy he can read me too, if im frustrated with him for something but dont say anything, he can still tell im angry even if i sound happy! or like when im thinking about not knowing where things are going with us, he turns to me and tells me he gets this unsure vibe from me. he tells me all these things about me before i even open my mouth! the other day he told me "you know what hanners? i think you are one of those people that when something good comes along you want to push it away, and im not saying you are pushing me away right now , but im letting you know that im not going anywhere." i didnt know what to say! he said it, and i was silent, and it was awkward. he can see in my thoughts! and yes he calls me Hanners ^_^ i love it because nobody just calls me hanners all the time and its special because hes the only one who does now. he likes it and i dont mind it ^_^ he came over almost every day when i was sick too. i dont know why , but i still dont understand why he cares about me so much, i mean, whats so special about me? i know he tells me, and lots of people do, but im just little ordinary hannah! lol and i wonder why hes not out with some hott skinny blonde or something. he knows i want to be a virgin till i get married, and he thinks its cool. he has no idea where things will go with us and i dont either, but all i know is that he makes me happy. it makes me happy that i can make someone that happy to see me, to be near me, to be so nervous around me. yea he gets so nervous! hes always worried hes saying the wrong thing and hes always putthing himself down saying "i dont know why you’re hanging out with me, i mean i feel like this loser neighbor boy and your this smart intelligent girl and you should be with a guy thats going to be a lawyer and going to a 4 year university…" and then i stop him and tell him to shut up because i can make my own decisions and if i wanted to be hanging out with a guy like that then i would. lol how can I, hannah spool, make a guy feel so nervous like that? just to be around me? i dunno, for some i think because things didnt work out before, because someone couldnt love me, i felt i wasnt good enough, that maybe if i wasnt able to be loved by the person i loved, that i wasnt able to be loved, or something i dunno. i just didnt feel special anymore, i felt like i was just another someone that didnt really matter to anyone anymore, like i was buried inside myself. i felt useless. but trevor makes me feel like im the most beautiful girl in the world. even when he came over and saw me with my glasses and stuffy nose and no makeup, he said i looked great. how can someone be so nice? im slowly feeling pretty again, and special again, and i dont know yet where this is all going, but all i know is that i havent been happy for a long time, and im happy now ^_^