so im supposed to be sleeping…

because im really sick, but i cant sleep! ive been thinking a lot about what a real friend is lately. someone that makes your whole face light up whenever they are around, someone you think good thoughts about, someone who loves you, someone you cant trust, someone you know will do anything in their power to make you happy. i feel alone lately. i mean jennifer and ali are awesome, but i never see them, ali is off doing her thing and jen is doing hers, but i cant say htey dont care about me because i know they do. i just wish there was someone i could call when i got home after work. someone to just come and check up on me and see how i was doin, someone who made me feel loved and appreciated. i have always been the one doing the comforting, and for once i would like to have someone want to comfort me and love me and make me feel great. i just wish there was someone around, because i feel lonely.  when i first left kodiak, everyone called and kept in touch and i felt so missed, but little by little i knew it would pass. everyone who stayed behind got really close, and i became the outsider. no longer an islander. one of the groupies. ii was afraid of the day that would happen and i knew it would.  the only people who are still my true friends from school are adriel dennis and chris.  i miss them so much its crazy. chris especially. we got way back to the second grade talent show. ^_^. he was singing " i will always love you" by whitney houston. so many good memories with that guy. i just talked to him a minute ago and i started tearing up because i wished i could be at home again. back up in ak where i belong. my soul belongs there. with everything i grew up with. sigh. dennis messaged me today too, i havent heard from him in so long. i messaged him so many times and got no reply so i was afraid he had forgotten me as well, but he always surprises me. ^_^ my other friends that i miss dearly are aika and wendy and amy. they have been there for longer than i can emagine! mostly wendy and aika. ive never been happier than when im in the presence of those ladies. they are such great fun and have such bright lights surrounding their personalities! being away from them just doesnt seem right. as if im part of a whole that is off lost somewhere.   gosh look at how pouty i am. how am i ever going to make it in this world? its a very slim chance that i will end up settling down being neighbors with them and our children being friends. i just gotta learn how to put up with lifes curves and know that they will always love me no matter how far we are. this is just a time in my life where i feel like i need them here the most though. i was hoping trevor would be my new friend, but ive been here all day and he hasnt called me once or stopped by to check on me. i know hes been home . he is right next door. he says he likes me, but he knows im sick, and he hasnt shown one bit of concern. boys confuse me. this is such a sucky friday.a sucky sucky friday :’-(