its hard to be positive right now….

reg horoscope for today: You’ll pour energy into an essay assignment today, but to little effect. The hardest part is getting started, and boy is that a tall order when it’s so pretty outside. Give yourself a break and go for a long walk in the brisk outdoors.

well, the essay part is right. i poured a lot of energy in it but got nowhere. im too out of it to think right now, especially after all my energy has been drained by the stress that those accidents caused. plus everything else that i know is ahead. i cant just go on like nothing has happened. this is goin to suck.

my singles love horoscope for today:Work’s on your mind, but don’t fast-forward into the week without getting a little more enjoyment out of life. Arts and culture are favored now, and you never know who else might be there appreciating them — and you.

ok , tomorrow im drawing a nude model, does this mean he could be the one? GASP! haha no way. i dunno, the arts is also music right? kinda? tyler appreciates music, OMG AND HE PAINTS…..i almost forgot about that…..weird.

so yea. my dad got me a car, the struts broke and he paid bucko bucks to get new ones, and then i totaled the car. i was  planning to sell that car to get another, but now its not sellable or driveable. its nothing. then what do i do? i got and crash the family car, the very next day…..i feel lower then dirt, i just feel so small. my parents should have yelled at me because i deserve to be yelled at, but all they do is say they are glad im not hurt. and they dont even care. they just say they know we will get through this somehow. i mean im glad im ok too. im lucky VERY lucky that im ok! but still, its my parents money. and i feel so bad. i now have a car payment to pay off for a car that no longer works, and 2 tickets to pay also. plus im paying insurance even though i dont have a car because i dont want it to go onto my parents insurance since it was just about to go down this year. im not goin to be able to find cheap insurance for a VERY Long long time. plus i have to save up for a car. im goin to be saving up for a car and i wont be able to travel anywhere or get another job until i have enough money and that means ill have to be at home probably till im 22. im stuck either way. it will take forever to save enough to move to anchorage and get an apartment. :-(. im feeling very sorrry for myself and my parents right now. and i really hate myself. i wish this was all a dream. its more like a nightmare coming true. i need something or someone to get my mind off all of this.
goodnight folks
hannah