sad

my horoscope for today:

Today you will be as busy as a bee, totally absorbed in your meticulous tasks, when someone else will take the time to compliment you. This nod of recognition or kind word will give you wings for the rest of the day. What a feeling!

hmm, well i kinda was i guess. i spent a lot of time oragnizing and cleaning my room! and i dunno megan said "nice job cleaning" but it didnt really give me wings for the rest of the day lol. i dunno haha.

ok heres my singles love horoscope for today:

Someone is impressed by you today, although they might be too shy to say so. If you feel a pair of eyes on you, and they belong to someone cute, don’t hesitate to strike up conversation

actually, today i saw a guy that i had a slight crush on during the school year in my english class. i saw him at chris strobels house. it was cara, her friend sam (who is really cool ^_^) , megan, and i that went over there. anyway during the school year i was definately sure he had a crush on me too because he constantly flirted with me hehe. so i went up to him and said "hey how has your summer been what have you been up to?" and then he said "oh been working , and hanging with my girlfriend"
oooohhhhhkkkk…….i was like oh really? whats her name? and we looked her up in the yearbook. shes pretty cute. anyway i knew there was interest there still though because right when he saw sam  he said "is this your boyfriend?" and i said no and explained that hes caras friend whom we met through her and were hanging out with.
he could of been caras or megans boyfriend but he was only interested in if he was my boyfriend or not. so yea i was kinda flattered about that haha. hes a cute guy. anyway im happy he has a girlfriend now.

so yea, im kinda sad. ive lost wayne. hes no longer one of my best friends. he doesnt talk to me. hes never home when i call, never e-mails me back, and online i said "we never talk anymore :-("and he didnt say anything back at all. yesterday his screen name was "san andreas baby!" and i got sad because if he really was there or going there he never told me or tried to contact me or anything. its like i dont matter anymore. im also sad because i want to call aika but i dont have her number for where she is in virginia and she hasnt called me. i  guess ill send her a letter if shes still at that first adress she gave me. and then im sad because adriel blocked me on my ak_princess_forever account and i dont know why. i think maybe he just doesnt want to talk to me sometimes or something. maybe im annoying him. i dont know. if he doesnt feel like talkin to me sometimes he should tell me! sigh. it just makes me sad, cus i could never get tired of talkin to him. hes one of my best friends. but i understand because sometimes ppl just want to talk to their girlfriend or boyfriend and nobody else.  i would understand that completely if he told me that. i just dont know why he blocked me! sigh. right now he sees me online and doesnt care. and im also sad because courtneys boyfriend is coming home tomorrow morning and we wont see her as much anymore. or maybe not at all. im scared its gonna be just like it was before again :-(. and im sad because summer is almost over. and im sad because i want someone to cuddle with. i dont care if its a boyfriend, or guy friend, or anyone like that. i just want the feeling of someones arms around me who cares about me. i just feel so unloved all the time. omg wow, i just gave myself an answer lol. i always felt a certain way, a sadness in me, that i couldnt understand, haha man now im gettin all teary eyed :P. i guess thats just it. i feel unloved. not by my parents or anything, but you know the kind of love im talkin about. i just feel like someone who is unable to find someone to love me like that. and i know its all my fault because i cant find someone. maybe im too picky or maybe my standards are too high. i have no idea. everyone seems to find someone they can really care about so fast, but with me, its been over 4 years here and i havent found anyone who i could even think about having serious feelings for. im tired of holding my teddy bear at night. ill just put on a smile in the morning like i do every day, and keep myself busy, and ill be fine. i always am, its just at night when i start thinkin about these sad things. i dont know what it is about te night that gets my mind going.
Hannah