a time to contemplate

my horoscope for today


It’s a good day for hunkering down in a cafe with a good book or your journal. Try to get a window seat so that you can watch everyone go by. Anything could spark your imagination today

my love horoscope for today
If you’re contemplating making your move, look at the details. Are they looking for the same things you are? Ask your best friend what they think and make your decision by the end of today.

well the first one is really accurate. today i am in an imaginative laid back mood. i havent written in here for so long because i havent allowed myself any alone time. my home is always a come and go home where people are always here. well most of the time. so today im taking time for me to do what i want. and i want to start writing more again because it releases so much stress. after this im going to clean my room , then sit down with my romance novel. any way i havent seen or heard from mike in a long time, but we are still keepin in touch. hes an awesome dude.ive gone to lots of parties but only got drunk once. that was with some guys i met on myspace named aj and joel. i went with my friends to their party and it was really fun! they are really fun to talk to and im glad i met them ^_^. any way, tony came to see me. i was really really excited because I liked him.(even though i didnt want a relationship with him) but the longer he was here, the more i came to dislike him. he reminded me too much of my dad, but worse. a really caring loving family guy and very attractive, but too touchy with little boundaries. he was not polite either.  every family is different and when you go to another familys household you should at least try to do things their way or try to adapt to be polite. at his home he never sat down to dinner with his family. it didnt make him comfortable. but when my mom made us a home cooked meal and we sat down together at dinner like we always do, he goes and eats alone in the kitchen. you dont do that when someone took the time to make you something nice. no matter what your used to you still need to be polite. its not that big of a deal. he was way too opinionated for me. pointing out every little thing he didnt like about me and what he thought i should change. they were little things too, but they bothered him. too many things bothered him, that bothered me. i told him that maybe he should think about why certain things about me bother him and that maybe he should just try to change to accept my flaws instead of wanting to change me, because im not changing for anyone. he talked as if he knew everything. as if he ws always right. or that only his point of view was right.  he assumed too much about me that wasnt true. he thought he knew me really well, but he doensnt. he made the wrong judgments. at prom he was distant. didnt smile, didnt say i looked nice, had his back turned towards me, didnt behave during getting our proffessional pictures, walked ahead of me instead of with me, didnt wait for me ,didnt acknowledge me, etc. i spent over 100 dollars on him. that was a terrible night. i got really sick and went to bed being sad and angry. then he invites all of my friends to stay in his room with him and hang out all night. what a doosh. flirting with all of my friends and telling me he thinks they are hott. well thats certainly something id like to hear. then when i talk to him about how he hurt me and how much of a bad time i had the night before and that maybe if he wasnt having a good time he should leave early, he tells me its my fault for not being able to read him. for not considering that he misses his family and stuff. well yea i know he missed his family but it was his choice to come see me and he could have put his personal matters away for that one night so we could both have fun. the point of him coming was to go to prom with me and he didnt even want to. he told me i pissed him off because i was angry with him. well i was angry with him because of the way he treated me! even my friends told him he was an ass, but he had to be right, just defended himself. a few days later he said he was sorry if he hurt me or made me sad in any way while he was here. so im guessing that was his apology. but ooh he was just pissing me off. i really liked him and i kept telling myself that he wasnt himself and the part of him i knew in kodiak was still there, but i really was getting to know the real him. even though there were so many things i didnt like about him, i was attracted to him and i was lonely and i wanted the attention from him. i mistaked those feelings of need for liking him. when he left today, i realized i was so relieved that he was gone, and i realized i couldnt stand him while he was here! he drained me! i think we might stay friends but nothing will ever be more than that ever. i dont know how i could ever have a relationship with someone who has such different views and someone who isnt willing to compromise for anythything. sigh, man im getting all my anger and frustration out. i really feel dumb for tellin him i liked him when i realize i really dont. he will know. ill let him know. man this is why i get to know guys for a long time because sooner or later they cant be fake anymore. their real personality comes out and you either accept it or just cant.  i hope he finds a girl who can love him for his flaws as well. and i hope someday ill find someone who loves me for everything including my flaws. personally i dont think being afraid of scary rides or spiders is a flaw. he told me fear is a flaw that i need to overcome and it will just hold me down. whatever man. if it bothers you so much that im afraid of spiders and such, go away. i can be afraid of something if i want to. i dont think theres anything wrong with me. yea i know what i need to work on. not interupting and listening more, and so on, but they arent huge things. i learn more about myself each day. but i dont need someone on my back about it.  the moral of this story, looks only get you so far.
well my sisters friends debbis and marina are coming to visit. that should be fun.
catcha lata
hannah