i need love :’-(

gosh love stinks…..im cryin right now im such a baby. I love Adriel so much, and yea hes sweet but he flirts with every gurl. im not as special to him as i used to be. ever since i told him i was gettin over him and that he should get over me ive been sad. and i still yearned for him to love me or at least like me still….but the truth is….i know he doesnt have feelings for me ne more…..and it kills me cus inside i still love him sooo much u have no idea. u think u know but u dont. we have shared sooo much. I am so lonely these days u have no idea. i long for someones touch, someone to hold my hand, to kiss me, someone to be there for me and tell me sweet things. I realize that maybe this whole year i wasted waiting to see adriel again….cus i dont even think he cares ne more, and even if he did, i know that he would just end up hurting me. Adriel flirts…..ALOT. yea his excuse is that just cus he gets close with someone or touchy feely doesnt mean he likes them. well i dont think he even knows wat love is. im such a sensitive and serious gurl wen it comes to love and if i ever love another guy it has to be a guy that only touches me and only does things with me. i get really jealous easily and i get hurt very easily too. i see adriel as a guy that doesnt really know the meaning of love yet. in that factor hes not really mature. he doesnt have really good loyalty morals either. i can just tell like i see right through him. so even if i ever went out with him it would never work. cus no matter how many promises he makes he will break them cus i know he would miss holding my hand and being able to see me or do ne thing. so he would just get it from some other gurl. its time for me to move on cus i cant just keep chasing a guy who doesnt even care for me ne more and wouldnt even work out with ne ways, but the only way to do that is to shut him out of my life cus every time i talk to him i fall in love with his voice, and his e-mails make me smile, and talkin to him on the net brings back memories. I know a long time ago i told him we should be freinds….but it just doesnt work cus hes still there all the time in my life. and even tho i want to get over him i cant just shut him out of my life cus we already went way to far into the friendship thing. we are like bestest freinds. and if i ever just stopped calling him or e-mailing him hes the kind of guy who would call me all day until i answered the phone to talk to me and want to know wats goin on. and i cant do that cus i cant tel him how i feel or id just mess everything up. but im soooo lonely and i need someone. im so confused. i dont know what to do ne more.im so excited about seein adriel but im also afraid to see him cus i dont want to fall in love with him even more….or my life will be ruined. gosh u know wat…..even if i do find someone they will just end up hurting me too….y am i so afraid of love? i guess its becus im really afraid of gettin hurt and my heart being broken and im always wondering about the wat-ifs ya know? i want to be loved so badly but at the same time i dont. i need answers. probly nobody who read this reall understood ne thing i wrote ne ways. i hate my life, and even tho i love adriel so much and he changed me in such a good way in my life, i wish i never met him so that i dint fall in love with him.

-hannah-lonely