4/8/2004

This whole thing is just pissing me off.  A shit load.

I’m sorry I don’t like him, but what the hell.  STOP STALKING ME.  Haha…no really.  I feel guilty that I don’t like him, and i feel guilty that he likes me, but this is really pissing me off.  I hate it when people tell me that. “I’m the only girl he’s ever really liked,” or that, “this is the most he’s ever liked a girl.”  I don’t care…I don’t what the hell I do, he does, or anyone else does because it’s never gonna change how i feel about him.  It’s getting to the point where it feel incredibly uncomfortable just seeing him.  And god help me, I’m going to him prom with him.  So tonight, I hung out with him and like 5 other people…I always feel like they’re pressuring me to come along with them.  I don’t want to at all…but of course, I do it anyway.  I don’t wanna fucking hang out with him, god it just makes my night so much worse.  It’s not that I hate him…I just feel so uncomfortable with the fact that he likes me that much…and I have no feelings for him whatsoever.  And then, of course he was goddamn driving tonight, and I swear he goes atleast 20 over the speed limit.  I’m not scared easily at all, but that is one thing that scares me…when people drive waaaayyy too fast.  I literally was on the verge of crying when he was going around tight turns.  I swear I refuse to drive with him ever again.  God I want it all to go away.

I guess one good thing…I got to hang out with haha, certain someone today.  Met me at the healplex cause I was playing tennis there…oh yay.  I talked to him mostly the whole time…ah he has such an amazing personality.  I mean, looking at him, we are complete opposites, but our minds are so alike…yeah i know, that’s scary.  I really connect to him, and I feel really comfortable around him…and that really attracts me to him haha.  Now, I really don’t know how he feels about me, but I think the feeling may be mutual, lol.  I sure hope so atleast. 

Haha, do you know how ironic this is?  I’m having two completely opposite problems at the same time…weird.  I think someone hates me.