3/7/2004

Life can be so fucked up…

What is there to say about this weekend.  Lotta shit goin down…some friend issues, so parental issues…what the hell next.

By not mentioning any names, here is the issue in short: He likes her, she doesn’t like him, she doesn’t feel comfortable around him, he gets upset, other friends don’t understand how he feels, threatens them, and basically he looses all of their trust.  OK, that summary kinda sucked, but if I wrote all that happened, it would be boring and take too long.  Anyway, It’s very difficult to pick sides in the situation, so I’m just not gonna.  I love them all so much…I just hate to see them all fighting.  I’ve been trying to help…I think it’s helped…oh well.  I’m too lazy to go into it right now.

My parents…don’t get anything.  They wonder why im depressed…cause it’s vicious cycle they’ve created.  I don’t usually go around telling people about my mental health, but seriously, it’s the truth.  Do my parents honestly think that there wouldn’t be something wrong with me after all the crap they’ve put me through?  Whatever.  I dunno, it just seems like it gets worse, and that makes me really unhappy.  And then I feel guilty about feeling this way because they have always said that I’m selfish, have a bad attitude, think that I’m akways right…and as much as I resent and deny their comments, it affects me anyway, maybe subconciously.  I try and not listen and not believe anything that they say, but it all affects me and I start to believe that I am the problem.  I just hate it so much…I just wanna go away for a while, away from them…away from here.  I need to get out and live my life on my own…they always seem to want to live it for me.  And just for those of you who claim that it annoys you when people complain about their lives…you obviously have no idea.  I’m not saying I’m the worst off here, but appearances can be decieving, especially in my case.  Suppressing my emotions is what I do best.