Excited to sleep

I’m fighting going to sleep but really looking forward to it tonight. It was overcast and cool today which felt very nice. The cool weather means that when I sleep with my window open I wont have to kick off all my blankets in the middle of the night and my coffee tomorrow morning will be that much better.

I bashed my head last  night and I don’t remember doing it. Like a slice the size and shape of a dime is half hanging off my forehead. I Take Trazadone every now and then to help me sleep and I did take two last night…that doesn’t really explain it though. I wonder if I was sleep walking for the first time or something and got myself somehow…I don’t really know what would’ve done that either. I am a light sleeper though and sometimes I wake up without remembering it. I’ve been told that quite a few times in the past. I wake up with someone else and don’t remember the conversation or someone comes to bed after me and I talk with them and have no clue what we talked about….or waking up when someone came to bed and not remembering that we had sex the night before…that was just funny though and that only happened once.

So Aurthur from Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy is playing Bilbo in the new hobbit movie. That’s pretty perfect. I refuse to watch trailers for movies I really want to see. If I care to see it then I don’t want to know anything other than when I can see it. Like the Dark Night Rises, Moonrise Kingdom (all Wes Andersons movies)…

The show Wilfred is fuckin weird. I still like it though. It makes me feel really embarrassed for the actors. If I was in the same situation I wouldn’t be able to just fake my through things. I’d be the "Whoa whoa whoa, call down now and lets talk about this" person. I’ve had a few friends over the years that really relished awkward moments and went out of their ways to make a situation weirder by pointing out the elephant in the room. Nate was a Bi Seattle friend and he always steered conversations towards sex. If two people were flirting for too long in a group setting he would walk up and ask when they were going to have a threesome. Jessica was a work friend and she used to throw packets of sugar or honey at the feet of  whatever guy she thought was cute and ask him what that was. They would say, sugar or honey and she would stop them and say, "No, that’s your name tag." Most guys fumbled horribly at this point and that was what she wanted. One guy had the balls to just ask her to go get Ice Cream and she was dumbfounded. She got red and made an excuse about not having a break or being busy…I was happy that this guy showed her up and said no, go take a break , I can handle it. She gave me a ‘what the fuck?’ look and I just shrugged. She went to get Ice cream with the guy and came back twenty minutes later. The guy dropped the ball when Jess asked if he had a girlfriend. He gave her three different answers and she looked dumbfounded. I Immediately shot back at her, did you tell him that you’ve been with someone for three years? The guy never asked her if she was dating or not. We made it our joke to drop sugar and honey packets at each others  feet while we were working after that.

I always try to make people feel comfortable but I’ve liked people that pushed me. I see that attitude being a big problem in the way I approached my last relationship. I went for a Scorpio who was harsh and responded to situations the opposite that I did. We never had that normal back and forth that people who get each other have. I could’ve tried but when you’re a open person talking to someone that’s always closed off and you approach thing from such different angles it’s hard. I stopped trying after some point. I felt shot down after putting myself forth so many times. Normal conversation was hard unless it was about her friends or her work. She painted and played with photography and photoshop which are both things I’ve tried to do but couldn’t talk to her about it. I read her books on photography and now I’m pretty good at it but I think she liked having her own area’s to herself. I started teaching her piano but some skills come easily to some and hard for others, we tried for a week and that was that.

My point is that I tried and I never felt that same effort back from her. I feel sorry that I’ve lost that relationship but the way things ended made me look at everything in a factual kind of way. She still doesn’t know what she wants from life and jumps from thing to thing until she’s miserable, goes into a longer relationship then runs away. I’m glad this is done with. I was the sad sap after we broke up and did the whole ‘I don’t want to date people’ thing but now I see that if it comes along it does, if it doesn’t then that’s fine.

It’s now almost 2 and I’ve overstayed my welcome on the internet train. Bed sounds awesome.