Confusing…

So this is a rather long entry but I have a serious question about music at the end that you should read and PLEASE respond to! Random readers please respond too!

So the Melissa girl I’ve been all excited about? Her best friend is Kiari and her very close friend is Sarah. They formed the group of very close hippy/punk girls in high school. Always moving in a cloud of very hard to talk to girls. I went to Zombie walk with a group of my friends and knew Melissa would be going with a small group of her friends, the girl mob. Kiari and I ‘dated’ in…. 7th grade…? for a week. I only talked to the girl like twice when we did date and I don’t even think I held the girls hand. I was usually on drugs at school from 7th to 9th grade when I dropped out and became the first alternative school student to get 4.0s in running start as well as the first alternative student IN running start. So being that I was on drugs I hardly remembered that we dated at all. Well, after ZombieWalk I drove her group of friends back to Kristina’s apartment (This Kristina is a part of the girl mob, not my ex) Kiari sat in the passenger front seat and started helping me pick paint off my face on the way back and said, "I always dreamed about being in your car…" So that was weird. The girl she must have known I’m interested in is in the back seat listening and not saying anything…I can’t remember how I responded, it was something polite but dismissive…Today would be two weeks later with one random text from Melissa that I posted yesterday which was a non-committal ‘lets do something’ that sounded like another ‘I’m not interested in you’ text. So then Sarah posts on my facebook Zombie pictures that she wanted to go to the Zombie walk incredibly bad but couldn’t this year. I told her there were more Zombie things to do this summer including a Zombie prom, I didn’t ask her if she wanted to go to the Zombie prom with me, mind you. She said that she would love to be my Zombie date to the prom….These girls are all still friends and two of them are poking at me, but not Melissa. Well, being that I had already decided that Melissa was a failed girlfriend mission I sent her a message asking how her dress making for Photosynthesis was going and cemented the fact that we were friends, apologizing for not taking the hints she was dropping at me. Sarah had asked to hang out with me and sent me her number so I took her up on it asking her out on Sunday after I get back from camping. She hasn’t responded to me yet and that’s weird because they usually get back to you almost instantly. This is just a headache at the moment. They’re ALL interesting people that I’d like to get to know better, and I might have a good reason to date all of them. Kiari I couldn’t date because she has a little daughter and it would mess with me to date someone with a kid (again) knowing full well that both people could be gone from my life with no warning and nothing I could do about it. Sarah is a brunette (automatic drool points) an amazing photographer and she works with animals. Her musical tastes run very similar to mine, she has an obvious dark side and loves zombies. She is most likely someone that’s going to be altogether too easy (I don’t mean sex) on me and I’m once again fighting with what I want and thinking too much about things. Jesus though…fuck these girls and their games. I almost think they are all toying with me to see if I’d cheat or something.

NO! I don’t cheat. I’ve been cheated on multiple times and really, firey flings of sex are good for the spontaneous side of things but the sex itself is never all that great. The most amazing sex I’ve ever had came from doing exciting things with a person I knew inside and out and they knew me inside and out. Not to mention the million other layers of I THINK CHEATING IS WRONG on top of it. I haven’t even had sex in what…10 months now? I have never had a problem getting laid, I’ve had a problem building relationships that were worth something to me. So I’ve intentionally not dated for a year and a half and it’s been 10 months since I’ve had sex. INTENTIONALLY. From age 13 to 25 (10 months ago) I had never gone three weeks without having sex. I decided to stop for my own reasons and was another thing to give up before I started getting tattoos. Now that I’ve decided to start dating I get this…people that are fucking with me. Great. This ALL before what WILL be an awesome weekend, undoubtedly with tons of girls that don’t want me to care for them and don’t want to care for me.

OH YEAH! So my friend Kyle asked to borrow my 10 man army tent for a show this weekend, when he came by to pick it up he asked why I never responded to his messages. I never got any, so he tells me he’d like me to come down and play with his band and that they have sets to fill in between so if I want to play I CAN PLAY MY OWN SHIT! FUCK YEAH. So I’m going down to Oregon to do that and throw out copies of burned CDs to whoever I can.

This crap had to happen today of all days? Really? I want Melissa like no ones business but if she’s really not ready to date and I am then I have to respect that. That’s pretty obvious. I want to be there for her. I want her to open up to me about her brother and a MILLION other things. But no. I get a text back days after I sent a question that says nothing. So then someone else who I’ve thought was interesting actually ASKS to hang out with me and seems excited about it, so I take her up on it. AND THEN! Nothing. I replied to her message on facebook and then sent her a text so she’d have my number. NOTHING. Why the fuck am I surprised by this? I don’t mean this to sad and sappy but why the fuck does being nice get me screwed over? 

This is all leading me to believe that I should just go back to being a man whore. No one complains about it and I have very little to think about other than the fact that I hope the girls I’m with AREN’T pregnant instead of WANTING to get ONE girl pregnant. I’d have much cooler stories for you all. I could just put my sex stories on here. Would anyone even be interested in that? I do have some pretty good ones. I also have fairly extreme ones, some that have levels of kink that make me grimace, some that are still visible on the skin, some that involve blood (not that kind of blood, much more exciting than that)

END QUESTION!! PLEASE ADVISE!!

What songs would you like to hear out of all of these? Like if I were to hand you a cd which song would be what you wanted to hear the most? I’m mostly asking people that I know have already listened to my music but I’d take advice from anyone! I don’t want to put all 5 songs on but I also have about 10 more songs that I’ll be putting on, hopefully in the next two weeks so I want to hand out cds that are kind of teasers…

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