trust issues

Ok I have a serious issue.  Two months ago.  Laurie and I went to the mall and we were talking about our first bad words and her kids first bad words stuff like that. Well being the person that I WAS (i changed this)  I told Laurie that I made cora (kellys daughter) to say shit. Which i didnt it was a story and she said are you Joking… and I said yeah why would i do that?  Well Laurie told kelly that I made Cora say shit and her and her husband were really upset with me about this.  So she called me and told me that we shouldnt hang out for awhile and stuff like that. Well in the middle of all this somewhere they called me a pathological liar and a chronic liar stuff like that. Well everytime i say something or tell someone something i think to myself whether or not im telling them the truth.  I know im telling the truth and being honest but i keep questioning myself. 

 Every lie i may have told someone even if it was something stupid i came home that night and told them everything and how sorry I was and everyone forgave me.  I even lied to my boyfriend for the first time in five years it was very petty and he just ask that i dont lie to him about things again. Fine I havent lied to anyone since then i have been very honest about everything. 

Well a day before i started my vacation Kristy, Kelly’s twin sister saw me at work and asked me if I had talked to Laurie lately?  I told her no, and began to tell me that they arent friends with laurie anymore and all this other stuff.  Well I called kristy the next morning to talk to her about it a little more and kelly answered the phone and she was telling me all this horrible stuff that has been happening ever since the “Cora incident.”  I guess there was alot of back stabbing to me going on and I havent been in the picture for almost two months now.  Kelly and Kristy both told me yes we talked about you, when laurie brought you up, and they feel horrible for saying the things they said.   Now they realize that i was the one that was the true friend.  I guess Laurie had been making me out to be this big liar and a horrible person to my boyfriend. Saying that i wasnt marriage material, and that I am not good enough for him. That is horse shit. I have to say. the only reason that she said that i wasnt good enough is because my boyfriend is friends with her brother and when we were watching a movie i tried to sit on her brothers lap.. This my friends did not upset annoy or make my boyfriend question our relationhship… he told him.. you can have her if you want her. That is how we play around. 

Anyways back on track she just said some mean and nasty things about me and that she didnt want me around her house, her kids, and she didnt want to be my friend anymore… so how is she gonna invite me to go to church?    There is so much going on in my head that i cant even type fast enough to get it all out before i forget it all.  I  am taking things slow with kristy and kelly Im not sure that i trust them and i told them that and i think they were a little hurt by that.  I only trust two people 100% right now and that is Chris and Holly.  They have been by my side from the whole beginning of this things.  Its all childish and totally highschool. Ill be 22 tommorow i dont need that kind of critisism in my life.  I dont need that crap.  I know that i havent heard Laurie’s side of the story but for some reason my heart tells me that i dont need to bcause kristy and kelly arent lying to me.. There are other things in here that im not going to say jsut because i dont want to get into it. 

I hate the fact that i question myself everytime i tell someone something.  I think to myself am I telling the truth?  I know i am but i cant help but feel like im lying. Im so worried that when i tell my boyfriend something that im lying.  Im not but i cant help but feeling like that. 

I love my boyfriend so much and i havent and i dont lie to him since then. It really was the most petty thing to lie about that im embarrassed to say what it was.  I just  feel like i have to prove myself to everyone now.