hmm…

I feel really differant.  I dont know why.  Theres just something that  is driving me nuts. Im not mad or sad or angry at anyone.  I think i am acctually having a good day.  I hate working with Randy and Chris.  I didnt mind it though today.  Chris wasnt his usual smartass about everything and Randy wasnt running to the back to talk to John Gorr everytime I turned around.

  Apryl and I are kind of friends again.  I am trying to make an effort and I feel like she doesnt want anything to do with me.  I guess if she doesnt want to be my friend then she doesnt have to. Im sick and tired of dwelling on the fact of whether people like me or not.  I really dont care anymore. I worry myself so bad that I litterally get sick. 

   I have to go to the girl doctor and Ive never been there before. I know im 22yrs old what the hell is the matter with me I should have been there when I turned 18.  Im scared as hell. Cancer runs in my family. My great grandma died from breast cancer, my grandma survived breast cancer, my cousin Sherry has cervical cancer and had a 10 percent chance of living and she survived, my mom had pre cancerous cells, and my grandpa had hodgkins disease and throat cancer and survived.  So can you see why im nervous. Im sure im fine, but there is always that little voice in the back on my mind that keeps saying “what if.”  

  One more thing I just have to add in. Does anyone ever notice how the people in this world that are unfortunate are the most ungrateful sons of B****s in the world?  

I learned that from my job. I work in customer service.