You want a cookie?
My nephew just started kindergarten last month. My gosh he’s grown fast! And now he’s gotten his first progress report. All top grades! In Kindergarten that’s an E+. I joked with my sis in law that ‘D’ is for ‘Diploma’ so if he wants a degree he has to get up a whole letter grade! haha (college humor)
Anyways, I remember how it was to be a kid. You got rewarded for being good! And why? To teach you to always be good and hope you keep that lesson the rest of your life. Now as adults, should we be rewarded for being good? I say no. Punished for being bad? Yes, but rewarded for being good? Why when it’s expected in a funcitonal society for a citizen to be good?
See my wife has quite the bipolar relationship with her mom. In fact, I believe her mom is bipolar. I mean her aunt is (the mom’s direct sister), so it does run in the family. Her aunt is on meds, but her mom is the type that thinks she’s smarter than doctors. So even if she was diagnosed, she wouldn’t believe it and wouldn’t take meds
Anyways, the bipolar relationship does go from best buddies to worst enemies. My wife will talk to her everyday, see her as often as possible when they’re on their good terms. When her mom causes drama (and she is the instigator, she loves drama and gossip and pushing buttons), then my wife will go as long as necessary without communication with her until she apologizes
And of course, as the husband, this drives me insane. I want my wife happy at all times! So how frustrating is it for me to feel powerless to help her when it comes to the one person who causes her the most pain? See my wife came from a broken home. Her parents divorced, custody went to the dad. The dad was very abusive. So she ran away to the mom. In my wife’s eyes, her mom is her savior
Now with that backstory, you can see why she’ll always go to her mom. I try to tell her keeping a healthy distance from family is key. I mean, that’s how all families fight growing up. We’re all couped up in the same house seeing each other every day. Eventually someone wil push a button. So I say keeping the contact and visits to a limited amount makes each one special, rather than annoying if it’s too much
Ever since her mom learned of her pregnancy, she’s flipped the switch to nice mode. She has had a couple set backs (meaning pushing my wife’s buttons and pissing her off), but more good times than normal. And my wife, with her puppy dog ways, thinks it’s great she’s actually being nice
So I want to point out to her how bad that sounds. Just in general, if you heard someone say, "Isn’t it great my mom has been nice to me and not picking fights lately?", isn’t that just wrong? It may be normal to some because you grew up in a similar situation, but doesn’t make it right. Why is it good a mom is not picking fights or talking down to you? How is that a healthy relationship? How could you think so highly of a mom who’s just doing what a mom ideally should for a change?
She’s back on good terms, so my wife sees her as often as possible. She’ll bake her cupcakes, etc. Which is good, if it wasn’t on the condition she’s nice to you. Then all I can do is wait until she comes back from a visit crying and angry about what her mom did because it’s inevitable. It sucks!
I mean I can’t come home and say, "Honey, I’m home! I didn’t rob a bank today!", and expect a reward, haha. Or, "Honey, I didn’t punch my boss in the face! Can you cook me a steak dinner for that?". These are things good citizens are expected to do. How can you reward somebody for not doing bad things? You reward kids to teach them to be good citizens in the future.
And my wife knows her mom is like this. She and I both know her mom is on her good mode because she’s getting a grandson and doesn’t want to be cut out from his life because of how she treats my wife. Yet she goes along in this cycle of craziness! Anyways, that’s my long rant
moral of the story: We would be ashamed of our good deeds if people saw all of the motives that produced them
Have a Nice Day!