mid March

A compilation of unfinished mini-entries from two weeks ago. 

I hate asking people for help. My dream car from the previous entry fell through, and I’m getting a bit desperate. I’ve been pestering R, who offered to help a while back, but he’s being snarky with me, and it’s pissing me off. I think he feels slighted because I hadn’t followed up on a few of his recommendations earlier – uhm sorry, but both of us had exams!! I really wish I didn’t have to rely on anyone to get this done, but short of $80 cab rides out to the county, there’s no way for me to get to these sellers (hell, if this city had decent public transportation, I wouldn’t be looking for a god damn car). 

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J’s close female friend’s father passed away from an aortic dissection. He lived alone, and the police found him 2 days after it happened, when concerned co-workers reported him missing. It’s sudden and awful, and I wish I could feel worse about it, but I’ve never met this woman or her father. I also wish I didn’t feel annoyed that right now, instead of having our nightly phone chat, he’s off comforting her (solely via G-chat, thank god). But it’s ok. I’ve filed these feelings under Completely Irrational, and will commence being accepting and supportive. I didn’t know this man who lived thousands of miles away (isn’t it odd how connected we all are?), but just like all those mourning him, I too wish he hadn’t died.

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It’s hard not being where you want to be in life. It’s not something I’ve experienced for prolonged periods of time, probably not since high school. But it’s on J’s mind a lot. He says he’s middling, and he’s not sure he’ll ever achieve the level of independence and recognition (even if it’s within a narrow field) that he wants. I think he’s brilliant and would make an excellent PI, but he needs strong publications and connections, which we’re not sure he currently has. I’d have no problem telling him – look, these are your weaknesses, this is what you need to work on – but I honestly don’t know what he’s doing wrong. All I can think of is that things take time to fall into place. But no one likes being told to be patient. Sigh. It’s not just about his career. He’s 34 with no wife or kids. I hate hearing that, and I remind him that he has me, but even I can’t pretend that our future together is certain. So we’re back to being patient, and waiting.  

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I didn’t go out for Mardi Gras (unless you count meeting up with smashed friends at Jimmy John’s), but I did have a few amusing encounters with those who took part in the revelry. The first was with a guy who lives in my building. I held the door for him as he stumbled up the entryway stairs, then paused to invite me to "this place called [insert name of our neighborhood]" tonight.  I told him I never heard of it. Later that night I went for a walk around the campus to clear my head after a heavy conversation with J (see above). One part of the campus has a reflecting pool with a platform that extends pretty far into it on one end. I was standing on the edge of this platform, looking down at the rooftops and the moon, when I heard a "holy shit! how the hell are you doing that?" In the dark, two drunken idiots almost mistook me for the second coming of Christ, walking on water. Good times. 

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D (college roommate) and G (now ex-boyfriend) broke up after 3 years together. He had just turned 28 and realized that he needs to get serious about his life, and that he doesn’t see a future with her. OUCH. On the one hand, I can appreciate his honesty, but on the other, I really wish he’d experienced this stunning moment of self-reflection a few years earlier. It’s not as if anything in their relationship had changed through out that time. He never made her a priority in his life – she was always on his schedule, and he still managed to complain about her cutting into his time with friends or at school. He not-infrequently said things to her that were downright condescending. There were dozens of red flags, but they’re hard to spot without perspective. And you can’t outright tell your friend that the boy she’s madly in love with is a douche bag who doesn’t love her back, and that she can do so much better. D’s understandably broken up about it. She’s called three times in the past week to vent and ask for advice. I managed to talk her out of trying to be friends with him (which is D for continuing to contact him on a daily basis) for now. She’s going on an impromptu trip to Europe (so jealous!) and trying to switch out of her Internal Medicine clerkship because it’s the toughest one, and she doesn’t think she can handle it right now. Not sure how I feel about that, considering the clerkship is still weeks away, but if it’s an option, and it’ll reduce her stress level, by all means.    

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All I got for now.