NoJoMo….#1 ;)

 I go through phases of dissatisfaction with life, and am currently in one of those funks. I hate feeling this way. Even the things I used to love seem uninteresting/unimportant lately. I’m sure it’s depression, but even with medication I can’t seem to work my way out of it.

 Will’s job situation is the same as my last update. He will be continuing on at our church until he finds something new, but work is no longer enjoyable for him. It’s hard to go to work knowing you are on the way out and they are working on finding someone who they deem a better fit. It’s comforting to know that a lot of people in our congregation are sad that we will be leaving, but it doesn’t change the central heartache, which is that I will once again be leaving a place and job I love in search of a new beginning for our family. I’ve spent a good portion of the past month taking my anger out on Will. We are more distant than we’ve been in a looong time (maybe ever?). We spent time together Saturday night, and had a good conversation. He told me how much he misses me–even just me touching him. It broke my heart. I know he’s correct when he tells me I’ve checked out. I haven’t checked out of the marriage (and never will), but I haven’t been fulfilling me end of the relationship at. all. I try to blame it on poor body image (struggling so so much with this pregnancy. With the boys I had a basketball bump….with the girl I just feel "fat"). Why do I even care? I have a man who is in love with me–regardless of what I look like, even when I repeatedly push him away. I so often take for granted just how wonderful Will is. I know I complain about him sometimes, but in all seriousness, I could not ask for a better, more loving husband.

 Work is  challenging. I still love my workplace, and especially my coworkers, but my class has yet to really grow on me. Usually there are at least a handful of kids that be counted on to be leaders in the class as far as good behavior goes. This year I only have one or two. The rest are just….exhausting. I spend so much of my day redirecting behavior. It takes away from the fun. I try not to think negatively, because I know when we move and I don’t have this job I will miss it.

 Something happened between me and my best friend from childhood, and are barely speaking. I can’t pinpoint the exact breaking point. It all started over the summer when I found out she was pregnant after telling me for three months she wasn’t. I can’t explain why I was so hurt, but I was. I felt betrayed and I acted immaturely. Almost immediately I apologized for my reaction and after some time we seemed to be okay. Then when I told her I was expecting again I didn’t even get a congratulations. I think she texted me something like "wow".  I tried to contact her multiple times, but got nothing. I tried again right after she had her baby and Will lost his job—still very little contact. How long do you keep trying with someone who has been a best friend forever, but doesn’t seem like they care anymore? My sister says indefinitely. For me it felt like the last straw when I called to tell her about Will and all got back was an indifferent text. I guess time will tell…

Random kid question for my nurse friends (if you’ve made it this far 😉 ). What causes bad breath in toddlers? I’ve been noticing that Gavin has at times an extremely foul odor coming from his mouth. I’m afraid it’s a symptom of a  more significant health issue. I called his pedi and was told it could be due to a) use of a pacifier b) drinking milk that has been sitting in his crib in the middle of the night (we usually remove sippy cups after an hour), or c) sinuses/acid reflux. I don’t want my kid to be the stinky kid.  Thoughts/advice?

Hope everyone is having a great day. I’ve been enjoying all of the NoJoMo action!