So far, so good….

So far things seem to be moving in a positive direction for baby #3. I am still only basing this pregnancy on the fact that I have gotten LOTS (way too many for a rational person to have taken ;)) positive tests. I really need to stop buying/taking them. Even if something has gone wrong the tests would probably still show me a positive due to the HCG levels already in my system. I am going to call at the end of this week to schedule my first prenatal visit. It’s a blessing and a curse to know about a pregnancy this early. A blessing because I can take added steps to take care of my body, but a curse because things are still so so early, and it is hard to not get ahead of myself in the excitement department. I’m officially in love with this little one already.  I don’t care if others have opinions on it being "too soon". Will and I have had lots of discussions about what others might think/or say. This afternoon he sent me a text and said "I just want you to know that you are a great mom. I love our two boys so much. This pregnancy is going to be great. As my good friend Ben Folds would say "We’re going to rock this bitch!".  Haha…I feel like he could have chosen a slightly more sentimental song as the theme for this pregnancy.

I went out on a limb a few days ago and emailed my father-in-law a very long, heartfelt e-mail. In the past year or so our relationship has become really distant. I believe a lot of it has to do with how open Will has been with his parents about our struggles. It’s a MAJOR source of contention between Will and I that he shares the details of our fights with his parents because I feel like knowing these details would make it difficult for ANYone to see their daughter- in- law the same as if they didn’t know ALL of the details of her fights with their son. I’ve always felt that Will and I need to have more of a united front. A lot of times I feel like when Will and I fight I am fighting with him and he has a whole cheerleading section (his family) behind him. So anyway, I sent my fil an e-mail basically accepting fault for the distance in our relationship. I don’t feel like I am entirely to blame, but I am willing to say I am if it will improve our relationship. I explained that I sometimes feel awkward because I know that his parents know the innermost details of our fight, and that feeling so exposed makes me want to avoid them. I explained that it’s really hard for me when Will and his parents discuss me without my knowledge. I got a great and very loving response from my father-in-law. I was really thrilled and hopeful that this might be the start of getting our relationship on track. Then I got home and Will told me that my fil had called him and told him the details of my e-mail, and asked Will how he should respond to me. UGH! Okay, I get that he probably meant well, but I feel like he didn’t receive the message I was sending him AT ALL. I didn’t tell Will I had e-mailed his dad. It wasn’t something Will needed to know (esp. the details). I was working to mend the relationship with my fil. I wanted it to be between us, and I almost feel violated that he shared the deeply personal feelings I shared with him with Will. I don’t want him to respond how Will tells him to respond. If we are going to have a healthy functioning relationship then we need to learn how to respond to eachother without a middle man. Maybe I am over-reacting. I know my hormones are all over the place.

I am really trying to embrace the whole eating when I am hungry and what my body craves concept. So far I think it’s going well. I definitely need to stop stepping on the scale. Whatever happens over the next 9plus months with my body is what’s supposed to happen. I am going to try so hard to see it as beautiful.