Secrets

We’re having a potluck!

Joy.

I’ve never been one to be excited about work parties. Don’t get me wrong, I like my coworkers, but I don’t particularly like bringing in food, making food, buying food, or contributing food in any way. Perhaps I’m selfish. If I were, however, I’d wantonly partake in all offerings. I limit it to candy for the most part, though, because hey, that’s not "real" food, and I always share my snacks with whomever is around.

But no, I’m not making a goddamn casserole.

Our library head has decided to play a sort of party game, where we all contribute "secrets people don’t know about you". We will of course draw these from a hat and attempt to guess whose secret it is.  Hilarity shall ensue.

The problem is, I don’t really want to share my secrets. That’s why they’re secrets. Information about my life generally falls into three categories.

1. I don’t care who knows it
2. Only my best friends will know it
3. No one will ever know it, but me, ever.

Surely we all have a #3.

If not, I’m more fucked up than I thought.

Still, I spent a goodly amount of time attempting to think of things to say that people didn’t know. I mean, I’m sure I could come up with some terribly boring ones, like

–Used to live in St. Louis! (Ok, bad example, they know that. Let’s try again.)
–Has a brother who is 7 years older than him! (wow. Riveting.)
–Majored in psychology! (Fascinating! Tell me more, right after I get more food from the other room.)
–Paid for his college via scholarship! (Yawn.)

Those are definitely #1’s. I’ve never found my life to be terribly interesting. There are some amusing anecdotes, some severe drama, definitely some landmark moments from my perspective, but the only thing that’s ever really interesting is relationship stuff, and that doesn’t need to be shared with coworkers in general.

Still, as I went to bed last night, I started thinking about #2’s, and how it might be amusing if some of those secrets got out.

–Was arrested and prosecuted!
–Was involved in a long-term relationship with a married woman…twice! (Two different people, mind you, not one person twice.)
–Once pondered committing suicide!
–Stalks people via myspace! (Hey, it’s kinda fun, it’s amazing what people let you see non-privately.)
–Often imagines ways to brutily murder people!
–Had a cat lick his scrotum during intercourse! (we laugh about it now, but jesus, I jumped a mile high out of bed.)
–Was once a dominant in a dom/sub relationship!
–Had a friend who believed he was a vampire!

The friend thing can really be abused. I’ve known drug addicts, alcoholics, vampires (cough), manic depressives, schizophrenics. Some of them, I’ve dated. I was friends for a number of years (8-9)  with someone whom, I later found out, thankfully after we’d fallen out of touch for a long while, had a cache of child pornography.

That’d be a great potluck secret.

It also begs the question of–is my life interesting, or are the people in it interesting? I mean, all those friends have stories associated with them. Even the pornographer. Most of them are interesting people; I sometimes wonder what they’re up to. Maybe I should start stalking them on Myspace. I wonder how many I could find just by using the name search.

Btw, no, you aren’t getting any 3’s. Some things never need to be stated publicly, ever, particularly those particularly shameful acts which represent someone you once were, but no longer are.

Everyone "has" to put in something for the potluck. I need to figure out what it is.

Conveniently, I stumbled across this list elsewhere. I guess it’s as good a time as any to actually go through it.

Things I’ve Done In My Life..

Anything I’ve done is in purple, let’s say. Because it’s pretty.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (I’d be too paranoid someone would hit me.)
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid (I’d like that.)
06. Held a tarantula. (No. Spiders are cool if they don’t touch me. Ever.)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it (Too many times.)
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise (One of the nights my heart broke)
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game (often)
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper (it’s the one thing I don’t look forward to. Who does, though? Poo is nasty.)
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on cheap champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (I had my telescope stolen from me many years ago, but have many fond memories of astronomy as a child and in college.)
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (though I try not to, because I’ve been severely ill enough times to know you want those sick days to be there when you need them)
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip 
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster (terrified of them as a kid, love them as a teen/adult)
42. Hit a home run <br style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128);” />43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days (The Best Month Ever consisted also of The Best Weekend Ever, in which it seemed like we did everything imaginable. Ah, Rebecca, why did you go insane?)
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (Back when I went to bars..)
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (Too bad it doesn’t last.)
48. Had two hard drives for your computer (And then one usually crashes)
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced (I don’t drink; designated driver winds up taking care of a lot of them.)
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (I’m not very materialistic. Money’s important only to stop me from living on the street eating cardboard and shoestrings.)
53. Had amazing friends (Still do, and keep picking up new ones. It’s the one area of my life in which I’m blessed.)
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing (not like, a mountain or anything, but it was rocks.)
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually dating (Sometimes, the baggage sits on the carousel for awhile until you’re able to unload it.)
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight (as if.)
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records/cds (I’m a librarian. What do YOU think I do with my own collection?)
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day (Both sick and well.)
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let’s Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud (Mud is nasty. Sorry. I have issues.)
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater.
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it (Hope you enjoy that credit card bill, you harlot. I’m sure you’ll make your fourth husband pay for it.)
81. Visited the Great Wall of China (would be neat to see)
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog (I don’t know if anyone knows about it)
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better (never, too much invested in software, and I’m poor)
84. Started a business (used to interpret astrology charts, but it didn’t last)
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken (that’s iffy; there’s degrees of love. I think some of the love has been short-term infatuation, which makes it easier when you breakup, y’know…but the Great Loves? Definite heartbreak.)
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married (almost..)
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Liked someone you shouldn’t have (regularly)
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced (which I would have had #90 gone through)
96. Had sex at your workplace (actually, I don’t remember if it was resolved or not, but we tried)
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo (sometimes, I wish I could make it go away, but since I don’t actually see it, those incidents are few and far between)
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on (or off) (i’m totally a texture slut.)
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs (was on the news in college, interviewed at our on-site archaeological dig. Hey, why isn’t "participated in an archaeological dig" on this? I was robbed.)
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128);”>(drunk once in my life, never again, capiche? Because I remember.)
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug (left that to my friends.)
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand (I did have a sex buddy, though. Only twice, but it was pretty unfulfilling and I put an end to it.)
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents (they won’t die. ever.)
119. Shaved or waxed your body hair (5:00 shadow? I have 5-minute shadow.)
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently (used to speak German fairly well, but it’s been over a decade.)
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone (does myself count as someone?)
123. Bounced a check (I also wrote a check for an amount under $1.00 once. For $0.26, if I recall. I bought a botting of rubbing alcohol and didn’t feel like going to the ATM.)
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read – and understood – your credit report
126. Raised children (I spent almost a year as an unmarried stepfather to an 11- and 8-year-old.)
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (no one’s worth that much effort.)
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars (yes, I’m responsible for Orion. Thank me later.)
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did (significant? Survived long enough to grant me life; crappy as it is at times, I’m still glad I have it.)
132. Called or written your Congress person (but it was a school project as a kid, we all did ’em.)
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (it’s why I’m in Washington, really)
134. …more than once? – More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loud in the car; didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (I sing a lot)
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did (I support the right, but don’t think I could ever sanction it if the child was mine)
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 50 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Pet a stingray (wru Steve Irwin)
145. Broken someone’s heart (and karma’s a bitch.)
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job (multiple times laid off, only once fired)
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone (my thumb/wrist. In a fight. Best part is, I became friends with the guy.)
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle (When I was less conscious of my own mortality)
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph (did a trip from Springfield, IL to Jacksonville, IL at about 120, because I was young and foolish for once. =p)
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (since my father collected guns, kind of odd I never fired one, eh?)
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (fuck mushrooms)
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (the Christmas from hell, 2004; never fly from Seattle to Maine if you’re deathly ill. I was almost comatose.)
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground (..wtf)
169. Been a sperm or egg donor (considered it, to be honest)
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper. (interviewed at college, separate topic than the dig mentioned above)
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime (believe it or not)
173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen… (silverware, placard holders, condiments. Basic shit.)
183. …and gotten 86’ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone long after inflicting the hurt (but I still haven’t forgiven myself)
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (ASL. I cheat.)
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal/Xanga/Etc.
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested

Voila.