28 Letters – Day Two: Your Crush

Dear Men of The Travel Channel,

I have been watching The Travel Channel for a couple of years now, and I have to confess you all are a contributing factor to that network being one of my favorites.

Anthony Bourdain – what can I say about you, my dear little Tony. You travel to places I only dream about – and to some places I would never want to visit. You eat things that frighten me, and you once went into a bat cave and slipped on mounds of bat poop. Your language is foul and sarcastic, and I love you all the more because of it. On more than one ocassion I have LOL-ed alone in my house thinking about something you have said. You are a bit older for me,  you have an earring, and I also think you’re married, but I am crushing on you and I don’t even try to hide it any more.

Zak Bagans – In real life I would probably hate you because you seem like a douch lord, but for some reason I am drawn to you and your crazy-ridiculous-scary show. I don’t know if you did, indeed, see a ghost once, but watching you antagonize restless evil spirits makes you oddly attractive to me. Your arms are huge, and I would like to touch them. And I would like you to touch me. But not in an old insane asylum or prison.

Adam Richman – *Le sigh* I don’t mean to scare you, but we will meet one day. And there will be chemistry. You are my most favorite Travel Channel man. I want to travel north, south, east, and west of the Mississippi with you, attempting ridiculous food challenges and seeing the US. I can’t think of anyone I would rather over-eat and get the meat sweats with. You are adorable. I don’t know if you’re taken, but if you are she is a very lucky lady. And if you’re not, I hope you’re over 5’9" because I would like to wear heels and not be taller than you when we hang out.

Love,

Becca