reset

I’m considering deleting or at least removing all of the posts I’ve put up since this whole thing started.  If everything else in my life is being set back to a flashing 12:00, I might as well do it here too.

I feel so out of sorts.  The divorce paperwork should arrive in a few days for my signature.  I just want to sleep for days.

When she left for good this weekend, I struggled.  I spent a long night wrestling with my thoughts, most of which I refuse to even put on the page…

I suppose I’m not sure what I’m looking for in this entry.  Absolution?  Relief?  Pity?  Perhaps it’s all just a sick brand of extroverted narcissism brought on by the myspace/facebook/twitter age.  Who knows. 

I created my first OD when I was 16, and had just ended a relationship with my first real girlfriend.  Aryn was my second. 

It’s like I’ve been bumped back to the starting line, but really have no idea how to run.  I don’t have friends in this city anymore – they’ve all moved.  The people I work with at my school are all older than me by 15-20 years with kids.  As melodramatic as it sounds, I seriously don’t see how this could possibly get better.  I don’t work with anyone my own age, and know nobody in this town my own age.  I don’t attend church or belong to any groups, nor do I really have a desire to do so.  My only interactions with other people outside of the middle school involve apologizing for how batshit crazy my dog is at the park.  Jesus fucking christ, I am so fed up with my own whining.

And I can’t sleep.