The longest night of my life.

I know that sounds all teen angst-ish and cliché, but that’s how it feels.

I find myself unable to sleep even though I have to drive to Portland early in the morning. Instead I’m lying here mentally sifting through the ashes of my relationships. I keep going round and round with myself. The things I could have done to prevent this from falling apart, the different choices I could have made, how lonely it’s going to be renting a room is some random house in a city where I don’t know anybody. The fact that I really have no real way to support myself since I gave up my previous employment to move here. That I have to basically just turn around and walk away from the person I’ve spent more than 1/3 of my life with, because I know that’s what is best for her.

Looking for a room to rent and contemplating divorce is not how I thought I would ring in my 27th year.

The dog is lying here beside me, snoring away and chasing dream leaves (she flips out when the wind blows a leaf across the yard). I keep reaching down and petting her, knowing that soon I will have to leave, and that she will have to stay here.
Stupid phone keeps spelling the wrong words when it auto corrects.

I’m alone, but that’s the path I chose. Onward then.

Good night.