Frustration, Mornings, and Frustrating Mornings.

I’m having a painful girl problem at the moment. I won’t go into too much detail, because ew, but let’s just say that it’s not fun. Let’s also say “ow,” because, well, ow.I didn’t get the part I wanted in the play I’ve been auditioning for, but I did get a different, smaller role. On the one hand, I’m glad to even be cast at all, given that around forty women showed up for ten female roles, but on the other hand, it’s kind of frustrating to be called back to read for one of the main roles three times and then end up with four lines. But then I have to remind myself that there would be no play without a supporting cast, and every single part is important.

Honestly, at this point, I just hope that the play is good. If you have a large role in a bad play, it’s okay, because people will say “Wow, that really sucked, but did you see that one girl? She was pretty good.” A supporting actor in a bad play just gets blended in with the rest of the crappiness — in fact, having a supporting actor stand out needlessly is often what makes a play bad.

Bottom line, experience is experience. If I do a good job with what I’ve been given and act co-operatively and responsibly, then the director will remember me for the next time I should audition for one of her shows, and gaining that sort of positive reputation is ultimately more important to me than a lead in any one play.

I have a major problem waking up in the mornings. I turn my alarm clock off without realizing it, and often sleep for an extra hour or two than what I have time for. Since I allow myself a good three hours to get ready for work in the morning, it usually doesn’t matter, but I have to be at work earlier on Saturdays than I do during the week. So when I finally came out of my stupor at 9:06 this morning, it was a real problem — my place of business opens at 9am, and I have to be there earlier to make sure everything is up and running before people start coming in for their appointments.

When I realized how late I was today, I leapt out of bed, banged my head on the ceiling (don’t ask,) and threw on the first clothes I could dig up from the floor. I grabbed the pair of shoes closest to the door, shoved my feet into them as I ran down the hallway, and made it to work, five blocks away from home, at 9:17. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.

Of course, this had to happen on one of the days when my boss felt like pretending to be the boss. (See, he’s not actually the boss. His wife is the boss, but she has another job and a small child so she’s never there, and he provides the actual service that my place of business provides so he likes to pretend that he has the ability to be authoritative. He doesn’t actually have that ability. In fact, he’s kind of a gigantic pussy.) He gave me a whole pile of shit about my choice of footwear, which was absolute bullshit, because I was wearing clean white sneakers and it says right there in the “employee handbook” (which is a pile of shit in itself) that Saturdays are “casual” and jeans and other such forms of apparel are permitted. Fucking wanker.

Boredom-induced survey, stolen from the lovely Raven Jayne, who had the distinct honor of being the only ODer I’ve ever met in person until, well, recently. (Yes, darling readers, I’m still teasing you. Enjoying it?)

1. What is the geekiest or most embarrassing part of your music collection? Had to start with this question, huh? Okay, okay. Clay Aiken. Shut up. Boy sings pretty.

2. What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? Nothing, because I keep no food in the house, partly because I’m broke but mostly to avoid such late night fridge raids, which are hell on my waistline.

3. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? Gone With the Wind. “But why does everybody have to diiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee?”

4. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done? I’ve seriously entertained the thought of having a breast reduction, and will likely do so sometime in the indefinite future. It’s not so much a cosmetic issue as it is the fact that I want my fucking back to stop fucking hurting all the fucking time.

5. Do you have a completely irrational fear? I wouldn’t say it’s irrational, as I actually have quite a good reason for it, but I absolutely hate having my hair or head touched by other people. It’s the reason I haven’t had a haircut in seven years.

6. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments? I tap my fingers together and sort of stare down at them.

7. Are you a pyromaniac? Not in the sense that I can’t stop myself from settings things ablaze, but I do think that fire is awfully pretty.

8. Do you have too many love interests? Heh. That’s a loaded question. Usually I’m either interested in nobody, or I’m interested in everybody.

9.Do you know anyone famous? Not anybody really famous, no, unless you’re, like, a hardcore coin collector or something. Which you’re probably not, because nobody is. But if you are, then you’d be amused at my last name.

10. Describe your bed: It’s a full-sized mattress that’s on the floor of my loft, which is only about 3 1/2 feet high, meaning that if I had it on a frame, I would sleep with my nose touching the ceiling, which I assume would be rather uncomfortable. I have a crap-load of pillows and tend to sleep with about four blankets all wrapped around me like a cocoon.

11. Spontaneous or planned? Almost every time I make plans, they fall apart, so I just tend to go with the spontaneity of things. It works out better that way.

12. Do you know how to play poker? I know the basic mechanics of it, but not any of the strategy. So, no, I wouldn’t say that I know how to play poker any more than saying I know how chess pieces move means I know how to play chess.

13. Do you care to? No. I abhor gambling.

14. What do you carry with you at all times? My keys, cell phone, and generally three or four shades of lipstick.

15. What do you miss most about being a kid? Not having to worry about where to find the money to pay for food or clothing, because those things are just there, no questions asked.

16. Are you happy with your given name? That’s a really tough question for me to answer. Empirically, no, I don’t like my name. But, it’s unique, and it’s cute, and it gives me a lot of character. There’s also a lot of meaning behind why I was named what I was, and I have an enormous amount of respect for that.

17. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? Give up the internet? For a year? Jesus. Ten million dollars, tax free. That way I’ll have the money to travel around the world and find ways to entertain myself without a computer. (Wait. Howdoes one entertain one’s self without a computer?)

18. What color is your bedroom? White. Boring, boring white. I’m not allowed to paint; it’s in my lease.

19. What was the last song you were listening to? I’m listening to music right now, and the song that’s playing is “War on Drugs” by Barenaked Ladies.

20. Have you ever been in a play? Uhm, I’m an actor. I’ve probably been in about fifty plays.

21. Have you ever been in love? Yes. Twice. I still love one of them, albeit in a completely different way, and the other one ended terribly.

22. Do you talk a lot? Most of the time, I can’t shut the fuck up.

23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? I do, now. It took me a really long time to get here though.

24. Do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? When they ask me for money, yes. God, just do something. You can stand on the street-corner juggling dead rats for all I care, but dammit, work for the change you want me to throw you. Sitting on a stoop with a sign and yelling at me about my tits is just pathetic.

25. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? No. And I know that sounds horrible, but I really don’t think I’m particularly nice. Sure, to the people I like, I’m wonderful, but aside from that I freely admit that I’m a gigantic bitch.

26. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends? Generally no, but that’s because I have an unfortunate tendency to date people who don’t have the time to spend with me.

27. What is your ideal marriage location? In hell, with a blizzard going on around me. In other words, phooey.

28. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play? I can plink out notes on a piano when I’m learning a new song, but I wish I could play for real.

29. Favorite fabric? Velvet.

30. Something you love and hate? Shoes. I hate wearing them, and they all tear my feet to shreds, but I have oodles of them and I don’t understand how that happened.

31. What kind of bedding do you use? Pretty much just stuff I stole from my parents’ closet, because they don’t have a full-sized bed anymore and obviously don’t need the full-sized sheets, and that was easier than buying new ones.

32. Do you tell your friends about your sex life? Yeah. In fact, I probably give more detail than they care to hear.

33. What’s the one language you want to learn? I was fluent in Hebrew when I was a child, but then I stopped speaking it and now I can barely do more than read it. I really want to learn again.

34. How do you eat an apple? Symmetrically. I take one bite all around the entire apple, and then I start again with a second bite around the entire apple, until I have a nice even little core left.

35. What do you order at a bar? Depends on how manly I’m feeling at the time. If I want beer, it’s Yuengling or Corona, or if I’m feeling girly, then it’s vodka and cranberry or rum and (diet) coke.

36. Have you ever pierced your body parts? I have both earlobes and the cartlidge of my right ear pierced, and that’s it, and that’s all I plan on ever having.

37. Do you have tattoos? No, and I don’t want one. I like my skin the way it is, and I don’t understand people’s obsessions with tattoos.

39. Do you drive stick? Dirty! Oh, you mean as in a car? Heh. No, I don’t. I don’t really think that I’m coordinated enough to do that.

40. What’s one trait you hate in a person? Clinginess. Momentary fleeting clinginess is fine, but if it keeps happening, then I get really annoyed.

41. What kind of watch(es) do you wear? I don’t wear a watch.

42. Most frivolous purchase? Oh, I’m constantly buying computer and electronic shit I don’t need. Sometimes I swear, I must be a boy.

43. Do you consider yourself materialistic? Sort of. I don’t think that I’m materialistic to a fault, but I do enjoy my stuff.

44. What do you cook the best? Cereal. Just kidding. I’m a lousy cook, but I’m quite good with the desserts. Actually, now that I think about it, my aunt is convinced that I make the best chicken in the entire world, but all I really do is throw the chicken in a roasting pan, sprinkle spices on top, and toss the pan into the oven. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her that though.

45. Favorite writing instrument? Pilot P700, blue ink.

46. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in? I prefer to stand out. I suppose I have some sort of slight superiority complex, but I often do believe that I’m better than everyone else and I like it when other people see that. Sheesh, I’m really not coming off well in this survey, am I?

47. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Well, the only thing that men really wear that a woman would never wear would be, like, a suit and tie, and you even see that in some women’s fashion magazines, so…I don’t know. I guess I just don’t see how I could possibly wear anything, however masculine, that would make me not look like a woman.

48. What’s one car you will never buy? An SUV or any other sort of unnecessarily large, resource-sucking vehicle.

49. What kind of books do you like to read? I’m fond of Alternate Universe sort of novels, like Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next series, and Gregory Maguire’s adult takes on classic children’s stories.

50. If you won the lottery, what would you do? Buy a new computer, pay off my credit cards, move into a (slightly) bigger apartment, and invest the rest. But I would never actually win the lottery, since, as I said above, I abhor gambling, and refuse to even buy lottery tickets.

51. Burial or cremation? Burial. I’m Jewish; we don’t do cremation.

52. How many online journals do you read regularly? I have about ten to fifteen favorites on here right now, but there are others I read that I don’t have saved yet, and I read a lot of journals off this site too, thanks to FeedDemon.

53. What’s one thing you’re a sore loser at? Games that require logic or intelligence, like Clue, or Scrabble.

54. If you don’t like a person, how do you show it? It depends on how much I don’t like him or her. If it’s just mild disdain, I’ll be abrupt and evasive. If it’s sheer hatred, there’s often a lot of snipping and eye-rolling.

55. Do you cry in front of your friends? When I have something to cry about, sure.

56. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people? I think it kind of depends on my mood that day. Sometimes I’m kind of shy and then people think I’m snobby, but other times I’m really loud and talkative and they think I’m, well, really loud and talkative.

57. What’s one thing you like to do alone? I like to do pretty much everything alone; I’m introverted almost to a fault.

58. Are you a giver or a taker? I’m a taker, but I recognize that and make it a point to give back, even though it doesn’t come naturally.

59. When’s the last time you cried? I’ve been pretty happy recently, actually. The most recent time I can remember was the last time I went to visit my parents, which was the middle of September. I remember that not because it was my parents who made me cry, but because crying in my old bedroom reminded me way too much of being a sullen teenager.

60. Favorite communication method? Instant Messenger. I seriously don’t know what people did before the internet.

61. How many drinks before you’re tipsy? I’m slightly buzzed after one drink, tipsy after two or three, and full out drunk after about five.

62. Do you think you’re cute? Oh, hell yes. I know I’m cute. And no, that’s not conceited. After all, if I didn’t think I was cute, how could I expect to have others think it?

63. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends? Again, I’m an actor. When you’re used to having ninety seconds to do a complete costume change between scenes, you kind of lose all sense of modesty. Even as far back as high school, the entire theatre department, boys and girls alike, had seen me in my underwear.