Religious Psychobabble. Also: Show-Offy Surveys.

I’m going on an audition tomorrow. It’s for a stage version of “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Makes me wish I had watched the damned movie in one of the hundred thousand times it’s been on television. Oh well. Wish me luck?I am officially the worst Jew ever. Today is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, considered to be the holiest day of the year, and I didn’t do a damned thing about it. I was supposed to fast for 25 hours, from sundown to sundown, only, well, I didn’t. I didn’t get home from work until after sundown last night, so I had a small dinner and then skipped breakfast and lunch today, but when I got home from work at 5pm, I basically said “fuck it” and had a snack. And no, I wasn’t supposed to go to work today, either. I was supposed to go sit in temple and pray all day, but again, I didn’t. I was out of work for most of last week for Rosh Hashana, and there was no way I could have taken off today on top of that. I used the computer, wrote stuff down, handled money, turned on the lights, and took a hot shower. I wasn’t supposed to do any of that.

This is all in such contrast to how I acted when I was younger. I was a bit of a religious stickler growing up, probably because I went to yeshiva through the fifth grade. (A yeshiva is an orthodox Jewish school where only half the day is spent learning typical reading/math/science elementary school subjects, and the other half is spent learning Hebrew and studying the Torah.) My family is a part of the conservative movement, but I learned from the orthodox and was always much more strict than my parents were. As the years went on, I followed fewer and fewer of the guidelines, cheating a little bit more each year, until about three or four years ago when I just stopped following them altogether.

It’s not that I don’t care about Judaism. I do. I care deeply. To me, it’s more than just my religion; it’s who I am. My parents are Jewish, as are their parents, as were their parents before them, and so on for as many generations back as I can count. I’m proud of my heritage in the same way as a Black or an Asian person is about his. It’s not something I can change, nor is it something that I want to change. At the same time, I’m a devout agnostic. I don’t know if there’s a reason behind all this, and I don’t know if there’s anybody watching me and judging my actions. Truthfully, I don’t think it much matters. Whatever exists, exists, and my believing in it or not isn’t going to change it. That’s why I don’t worry too much about not observing every holiday or occasionally breaking kashrut — I hardly think that I’m going to be struck down by God for eating a chicken caesar salad at a restaurant once in a while. Still, I take part in the rituals of my religion, like keeping Kosher, because that’s a little something that I can do every day of my life to remind myself that I come from ancestors who struggled very hard just to be allowed to do such things. I do it to remind myself that I belong someplace.

All this, of course, means that I feel terribly horrible and guilty for having completely ignored the holiday today. I certainly don’t believe that I’m going to be struck down by lightning for it, but I wish I had done more. Oh well. It’s something to atone for next year.

I’m going to be a teenager for a minute and post these surveys so I can show off what a bad-ass I am. Bow down, Goodie-Two-Shoes of the world, and grovel at the feet of the Wild Child! Except, er, not.

I have…

[X] been drunk.

[X] smoked pot.

[X] kissed a member of the opposite sex.

[X] rode in a taxi.

[X] been dumped.

[X] shoplifted.

[ ] been fired.

[X] been in a fist fight.

[X] had sex.

[X] had sex more than once in the same day

[X] had a threesome

[ ] sneaked out of your parent’s house.

[ ] been arrested.

[X] made out with a stranger.

[X] stole something from your job.

[?] celebrated new years in times square. (Okay. I was in a restaurant that happened to be IN Times Square, and it WAS New Year’s, but I was NOT one of those idiots on the street in the cold waitng for a disco ball to fall a couple of yards.)

[X] went on a blind date.

[X] lied to a friend.

[X] had a crush on a teacher

[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in New Orleans.

[ ] been to Europe.

[X] skipped school.

[X] thrown up from drinking.

[ ] lost your sibling.

[X] played ‘clue’.

[X] had a sleepover party.

[X] went ice skating.

[ ] dropped x.

[X] been cheated on.

[?] had a sweet sixteen. (Well, I DID turn sixteen, naturally, but I didn’t have any sort of big party. Does that count?)

[ ] had a quinceanera. (I had to look this up — it’s a party Mexican girls have when they turn fifteen. I’m not Mexican, so I didn’t have one. But I DID have a Bat Mitzvah when I turned thirteen.)

[X] had a car.

[X]drove.

Do you…

[ ] have a bf.

[ ] have a gf.

[ ] have a crush.

[X] feel loved.

[ ] feel lonely.

[X] feel happy.

[ ] hate yourself.

[X] think you’re attractive.

[ ] have a dog.

[X] have your own room. (And it’s in my very own apartment! Score!)

[ ] listen to rap.

[ ] listen to rock.

[ ] listen to soul.

[ ] listen to techno.

[ ] listen to reggae.

[X] paint your nails.

[ ] have more than 1 best friend.

[ ] get good grades. (I don’t get ANY grades!)

[ ] play an instrument.

[X] have slippers.

[ ] wear boxers.

[X] wear eyeliner.

[X] like the color blue.

[ ] like the color yellow.

[ ] cyber.

[ ] claim. (Claim WHAT?)

[X] like to read.

[X] like to write.

[X] have long hair.

[ ] have short hair.

[X] have a cell phone.

[ ] have a laptop.

[ ] have a pager.

Are you…

[ ] ugly.

[X] pretty.

[ ] ok.

[X] bored.

[X] happy.

[ ] bilingual

[X] short.

[ ] tall.

[ ] grounded.

[ ] sick.

[ ] a virgin.

[X] lazy.

[X] single.

[ ] taken.

[ ] looking.

[X] not looking.

[ ] talking to someone.

[ ] IMing someone.

[X] scared to die.

[ ] tired.

[X] sleepy.

[ ] annoyed.

[X] hungry.

[ ] thirsty.

[ ] on the phone.

[X] in your room. (In my room, in my VERY OWN APARTMENT! Score! Again!)

[X] drinking something.

[ ] eating something.

[ ] in your PJs.

[X] ticklish.

[X] listening to music.

[ ] homophobic.

[ ] racist.

1. When did you start wearing bras? 6th grade.

2. Do you carefully select panties or are you happy with simple pairs? I don’t really care much for panties and frequently go without, but when I do wear them, I prefer pretty cotton ones from Victoria’s Secret. They’re comfortable and sexy.

3. Does your lingerie have to match? Nah.

4. How many people have seen you in your undies? Several hundred. Hey, don’t look at me like that. I’m an actor. I’ve been in some risqué shows. How many people have seen me in my undies in a sexual way? Probably somewhere around a dozen.

5. What is your favorite color of undies? Hmm. Black?Purple? Red? It depends on my mood, I suppose.

6. Have you ever worn a thong or g-string? Yep. They’re not very comfortable.

7. Do you normally wear pantyhose? In the winter, when it’s cold and I’m wearing short skirts. They keep your legs surprisingly warm. In fact, I know some men who wear them under their pants for just that reason.

8. Do you own slippers? Yes, but they’re old and I need to get new ones for this season.

9. Do you wear a robe out of the shower? Nope. I just parade around in the nude.

10. Have you ever worn a garter belt? Nope.

11. Have you ever worn a thigh belt? I have not.

12. What does your favorite pair of undies look like? Hmm. Right now I’m fond of the ones with the purple, blue and white stripes. I don’t like panties when they get old though, so I usually throw them out after washing them five to ten times, which means that even my favorites don’t stay around for very long.

13. What does your favorite bra look like? My favourite bra, comfort-wise, is black and lacy. My favourite looking one is lavender and lacy, but it’s not very practical because the cups don’t come up very high, so there is a high risk of spillage.

14. Has anyone ever signed your bra? No, but would you like to?

15. Do you feel comfortable sharing your bra size? Ugh, sure. I’m a 36DD. They’re not as fun as they look.

16. Is your butt big? No, I have a rather nice butt.

17. Do you own edible panties? No, but they’re really just pantry-shaped fruit roll-ups, and are therefore rather silly.

18. Has anyone ever bought you lingerie? No.

19. What would you think if a boyfriend/significant other bought you lingerie? I’d find it rather strange, because I don’t care much for lingerie. It just ends up on the floor, so what’s the point?

20. Do you get embarrassed when shopping for underwear? No. We all wear it.

21. Do you show your underwear often? No, but if you want to see, all you have to do is ask.

22. Do guys snap your bra straps? What is this, middle school? No, guys don’t snap my bra straps. (But my Mom does.)

23. Have you ever thought about underwear this much before? You know what? I really don’t think that I have.