08/07/2011

I’ll take your part 
when darkness comes, 
and pain is all around. 
Like a bridge over troubled water, 
I will lay me down.

I cannot accept friendship—I do not think it has ever been truly offered to me.  The same of love.  I am not sure that I know what it feels like to be loved.  And so I struck out to conquer the world on my own.

It’s very lonely.

I wish I could share my life with someone else. 

Someday, I may have everything I have ever wanted.  But it will all mean nothing, just like it’s meant nothing all along.

It causes me physical pain to admit it, but everything I have ever wanted boils down to one single person who actually cares.  Everything I have ever done was done towards achieving that, earning that, finding that.  The years of perfect grades, of musical compositions and bad poetry, the years giving and giving, more than I can afford to give…I’ve just wanted someone to care. 

No.  Not quite. 

I have wanted someone that I love and respect to love and respect me.

I don’t actually know if it’s love, respect, or both lacking from my life.  Now that I think about it, it’s probably both.

(Yes, I AM on a bit of an Elvis kick lately…)