It’s where I stop the hate.

Deceptively warm looking blue skies…sometimes I really hate Spring.  Having not seen sunlight in months, I can’t deny that it is welcome.  The sun rises a little earlier and sets a little later every day, and I find myself anticipating summer and all that comes with it.  But now, now I am stuck in the doldrums, the nothingness between the end of February and the start of spring. 

Sundays have always been difficult.

More and more I notice the differences between myself and those around me, and more and more I wonder if those differences are merely the faulty perceptions of a mind desperate to escape mediocrity.  Everyone views themselves as something more.  Everyone wants to be some kind of tragic hero…but there is no tragedy.  The true heros, taken advantage of, used by the rest of Them.  The ones who know that there is nothing else, the ones who know that they are fated to see it out.  How can They not feel it, the oppression, the foreboding, the utter certainty that there is something They must do? 

This will end badly.

Or perhaps these are just the revelations of a paranoid mind, a mind that fears the future almost as much as it fears the past.  The future, while not an open book, is easily read by anyone who cares to see how it will go.  Anyone who needs to know.

I never expected to live long.  I don’t think anyone these days does.  But the end is coming closer, faster than I ever expected.  Soon it will be time to choose between the lesser of two evils.  Time has begun to fast-forward, and the downward spiral has begun.

Can’t you see?