I walked 1000 years…

More often, now, I find myself failing at things I was once good at.  It seems as though my apathy has caught up with me and will not be conquered.  19 years wasted, how many more to come?

It’s funny, the things people never see in you, when you can see it so clearly in them.  The hypocrisy, the selfishness, the overwhelming fear.  Maybe the faults we see in others are merely our own faults reflected back at us.  No, it cannot be true, for I am pure and faultless and always so goddamn fucking perfect.

But it’s all a joke and I know it.  I can see right through myself like I see through everyone else.  But there’s no one to denounce me as the failure I am.  Because they just. can’t. fucking. see.  No one watches me as I delicately shed myself of the weight they placed on my shoulders.  No one watches me as I run away, because I would never run away.  Not I.  No one can see that the pedestal I’m standing on is made of fear and lies and sheer arrogance.  I can’t back up these claims forever, but as long as they think I can…

You are what you are perceived as, and I am invincible.  I am unbreakable, the rock that others precariously lean against, completely ignorant of the danger.  I am the strength that everyone wished they had, the strength to stand alone and do what’s "right".  I am everything that everyone else couldn’t be.

I am a God.  And I am a heretic.