…But these feelings run right through the night

7:47 P.M. on Friday, March 11, 2005.  I didn’t have school today, which was nice.  I vowed to myself that I was going to do nothing even resembling work, but eventually anxiety won out and I did a chapter of Biology.  Despite that, I still feel oddly restless.  Being restless isn’t something I particularly enjoy, it usually leads to excessive anger.

I’m running low on pseudo-intellectual bullshit to write.  I don’t think true intellectuals exist anymore.  All they care about is drinking their Starbucks coffee and reciting the opinions fed to them by their liberal college professors.  "Let’s all discuss philosophy and third-world governments in this over-priced café like the boring elitists we are!"  I’m tired of being an elitist bitch.  The "I’m ranked in the top 5% of my class, I’m taking college-level courses, I got a 30 on the ACT, bow down and worship" attitude is growing old.  Of course, tonight I’m feeling less self-righteous than usual.  Tomorrow I will likely be my usual egotistic self.

Of course, my less self-righteous moments have been more frequent lately.  Occaisonally, I have even been able to disregard my morals outright with little or no compensation.  So possibly, I’ll wake tomorrow and still be disgusted with my own audacity.

I don’t particularly like coffee, Starbucks or otherwise.  I prefer diet mountain dew and kool-aide made with Splenda.  I’m not a big fan of philosophy or third world countries.  But I’m just another bullshitting pseudo intellectual all the same.  I find small consolation in the fact that I can acknowledge the futility of my own inane ramblings.  However, I find it disgusting that I continue to contribute to the pool of elitist dolts with nothing better to do than contemplate Locke and Thoreau. 

Thankfully, it all evens out into a nice, even apathy, saving me the trouble of really feeling anything at all.