Who could ask for more?

Three days into the new year and I find myself strangely apathetic to the whole idea.  It’s supposed to be a time of new beginnings and I am bogged down in the mistakes of the past.  The circle cannot be completed.

I find myself unwilling to do anything.  Homework, attend school, classes, practice any instruments…these things that defined my life a few short weeks ago mean nothing to me now. 

In one week I will no longer live in this house.  At least, I think not.  I know nothing for sure because my parents feel that keeping vital information from me is the best course of action.  I do not understand their motives, simply that they have them.  However, I am not accepting.  I wish I had the energy to confront them about it, to scream and yell, but I don’t.  I can summon anger only at myself, because, really, I’m the only one who deserves it.

I’ve been living in a near-constant state of anger and irritation.  I wonder why others can’t act like I do.  As happy and friendly and fun.  Why can’t they?  Why are they so unable to control their emotions?  I can still plaster the shit-eating grin on my face.  I’m so nice to other people and I hate it.  I wish they could be nice to me.  I’m tired of cheering them up, of watching over them.  If they can’t return the favour, I wish they would, at least, just leave me alone.

I just want to be alone.