But I’m a creep.

It’s 8:45 on a Saturday night and I am home alone, contemplating my bed. I’m so tired. Maybe it’s boredom. Maybe it’s just fatigue.

I’m tired of school. It’s been 2 weeks. I just want this to be over with. My classes are alright. I’m just tired of the stress, the schedule, the deadlines, the work. I need to rest, but I can’t. I’m always thinking of what I should be doing. How to be productive. Right now, I should be doing my homework. Sunday, I should be at work, making money. I won’t be. I don’t have the energy. How awful to be only human. The limitations are smothering, and I find myself exhausted. I told myself I had to be the best for a reason. Because no one else would. I had to do everything possible because no one else could. I had to make up for their mistakes. Errors. Pathetic human faults. I’m not God. I’m not powerful. I’m not smarter or better than anyone else. I am just a pathetic human being trying to make their mark on the world before they die. Pathetic. Humans are, by nature, weak. I detest weakness. I can’t stand myself. Every moment is a reflection of my own unoriginality. My creativity is nonexistent. I have been done before. My life has been lived before.

No one else notices. How they remain ignornant to my, and their, humanity is astounding. Can no one else see this? Am I imagining it? I feel like I’m living in a constant state of Deja vu. I look at something a certain way, at a certain angle, and I KNOW I have seen it before. Every day things scrape on my nerves. My patience is gone, tolerance has gone with it. Everyone around me seems so shallow. But I know I am one of them. Why do I feel so alienated? We’re all the same. Yet I feel as though I exist separately from them. I feel like I exist separatly from myself.