11/15/2013
Woke this morning with words…
Feelings and a face that had left my dreams.
Back again .
Something that will never leave.
Everything was perfectly real.
I understood and felt compliant with the situation.
I didn’t feel lacking at all despite the neglect.
For her. For me.
I brush it off like the dust from waking eyes.
Another notion lost in time.
To save for another day.
A better grace.
Like that old dream…
It isn’t me.
Better than.
And speaking of.
Last minute I find myself out.
Last face I expected to see and he says something.
Somehow still holds me.
Maybe with how lowly he held me…at the end.
I walk on like nothing.
Drink and talk to new faces and he finds me.
I’m buzzing enough to feel the longing.
Follow through.
End up the same.
He talks and smiles the way he does.
His friends go on and on about me.
They love me.
I took myself home.
We talked on the phone.
And I know it’ll be months before we talk again.
Then I find myself stumbling upon a scene that won’t end.
Running and running through my head.
The dream resurfaces..
In perfect timing with the situation.
Feel caught up and restless.
With such a high I get from this oddly loving platonic thing I have with an old name.
And a comfort I can’t describe.
A chemistry I cannot deny.
But carry on from every day.
A little higher… a little lighter..but miss him all the same.
And we talk for an hour or more because I had things to say.
Things I can’t grasp but don’t mean the same.
And patiently he listens walking a line that says something slightly painful…
But restful and tame.
And through laughs and banter I can’t deny the things I wouldn’t say.
It wont change day by day.
Never has. Never will.
But I can rest just accepting it.
And sharing some sort of understanding.
And respect.
As much as I want him happy.
Somewhere it’ll always hurt to know that I could never make that happen.
That I couldn’t be there for that.
I didn’t need to hear anything from him.
I didn’t want anything.
Not now.
But it won’t ever go away…I’m afraid.