10/25/2013

 Every day I realize my change a little more. 
The way I’ve stopped worrying so much about other people’s worries. 
How I’ve begun to not let them hold me back. 
Stop thinking for someone else and basing my personal decisions on it. 
I’m just doing what makes me.happy. 
Maybe that’s selfish. 
But right now I’m all I’ve got. 

Tonight I almost said a few things I shouldn’t have. 
But they would have been the most genuine things. 
I felt a high that made it okay to be so true despite the underlying tug on my soul. 

Tonight a friend got pissed at me because I was given higher status. 
I work for it. 
I bruise and bleed for it. 
I pay for it…sweat…cry sometimes. 
I was given a little sister in derby. 
And she wasn’t…because of her lacking skills.. 
She wasn’t happy for me. Just pissed. Feeling sorry for herself. 
I have realize this week how much I give and give and give to others…instead of trying to make myself happy. 
I was done. 
I wasn’t going to feel bad. 
Especially when I’m the one over 1000 invested. 
When I go out and skate on my off time. 
When I make the practices. 
I have this passion…and I’m not going to feel bad because she didn’t get what I got. 

I got the nicest message today from a guy I pursued for a short while. 
He’s far always and chasing his soul. 
Quite inspiring. 
But all those notions have been far from mind. 
So when he sent me a message to tell me he thought I was gorgeous, for the first time, and completely out of the blue, after over a month or more without talking…
I felt great. 
That. And when I woke to a text from someone that…..still.means a lot…complimenting my writing. 
Which has gone to trash as of late. 

So many thoughts. 
A lot of change.