Fog Rising

Long roads can unwind many things. 
Bring a sense of clarity that stagnancy cannot. 
A constant..and a heartbeat..
There may be many reasons..
But none of that matters. 
All that matters is that I gained all I wanted. 
I don’t feel the ache any longer. 
And I have become the things I always thought I’d never be strong enough to be. 

I had to make sense of a.few things. 
Count my reasons and my flaws..
All the ways I’d let myself get lost. 
I never spent so much time alone. 
Now it seems to be all I want. 
Because for once I don’t have anything to hide or run from. 
I don’t need anything. 
Anyone. 
I never had the opportunity to grow in the way I have over the past year. 
Its a very bittersweet thing. 
I went from rescue to vice to coping mechanisms, and  back around…always in a state far from myself.
 
Everything comes at a cost. 
It was never anyone’s fault. to
Just how life worked out. 
How I never could see beyond a certain doubt. 
It was always in myself. 
Being here isn’t saying I’m better off..
But I needed all that happened. 

The dreams I used to have all make sense now. 
The ones that would sink their teeth into my soul and repeat. 
I read them all wrong. 
But I get it now. 
If only I had made better sense before. 
But everyone is blind to something…
And sometimes all you can do is wait for them to help themselves and want to see. 

The thing my mom said to me a year ago keep coming back. 
I keep thinking how true it seems. 
How unfair it feels. 

I miss having lucid dreams. 
I miss feeling my soul burn with passion inside me. 
I’m on stable and calculated feet.