thoughts after waking

 Up on few hours of sleep. 
No dreams. 
I should be thankful. 
I miss lucidity. 

He tossed all night. 
Making the noise he does between his lips. 
"He’s good for me"
Was my first thought upon waking. 
He let me break and show my worries
That terrible part of me that hates me. 
The part that comes from habitual letdowns..
Something I was used to. 
I was used to the back seat. 
Any time I even fear a glimpse of it..
I become what I was. 

He stirred long enough to say goodbye.
 Pulling me back in every time. 
Smiling with golden green eyes..
Its where I wanted to stay..

I feel a part of me torn in two. 
But then I see him looking at me. 
I know he sees me. 
I don’t know why he ever did..
But he’s never given me reason to believe any differently. 

He’s too golden for me. 
Insufficient is how I always feel. 
But he hasn’t caused it.