if you buy a pet you keep it, asshole.

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Diary: I Feel Pretty

Password: iamloved

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I found another friggin’ alien escapee bug in the house. It was in the trashcan (but alive). I suppose it knew that’s where it belonged. Only I was hoping it would be with less leggy movement. Father claims to "just love" those bugs. Like they were the harmless happy bunny. Riggght. Stepmother actually agrees with me on this one. Those bugs need serious ghostbusting.

Later, over some quick takeout before we went to see Get Smart, stepmother mentioned that on Animal Planet they showed a snake that had eaten an alligator. Full on swallowed it. The alligator didn’t go down without a fight before it died. It split the snake in half after being swallowed. Snakes have crazy digestive systems. They can eat cars. Probably small planets. Homework, definitely. That awesome fact does not make them any less creepy to my girlie gene. Spiders, alien bugs, and snakes. My girlie achilles heel if you will. I used to think snakes were cool, actually. I even wanted one as a pet (until I found out about feeding them live mice). And then for some reason one day I started picturing tiny snakes wiggling at the speed of light and launching themselves at my neck. Hello nightmares, goodbye dreams of a pet snake.

Apparently snakes are a huge problem in the Florida Everglades. The Everglades is the perfect environment for snakes to thrive in. People buy snakes as pets and then, when they get too big for comfort, they release their snakes into the Everglades. The problem is so bad there is a separate unit of animal control (called Anti Venom) just to deal with snakes. Personally, I think there should be another unit dedicated to THE FUCKING ASSHOLES THAT BUY AND THEN RELEASE THOSE SNAKES. The hurricanes don’t help any, displacing a lot of animals. Which is why I am never going to Florida ever again. I can just imagine being caught in the middle of a hurricane and the wind whips a few lone snakes at your head. My neck is getting all scrunched up just thinking about this. Aghghhg. ew.

If snakes pwn alligator, what the bloody fuck beats snake? OWL? Mother Nature, you baffle me.

Separate incident, same assholes. Continue.

We have neighbors that bought a cat for the sole purpose that it should eat any rodents that weasel their way into the house, yard, or neighborhood. They do not feed her much. She has to be hungry to hunt the mice. She is an outside cat in a neighborhood – city that is run by coyotes. Coyotes that have eaten small dogs out of nearby backyards (a pug and a chiuaua the last i heard). They aren’t afraid of humans. And they sure as hell won’t stop to think about snacking on Emma. Emma is so small at full grown that she looks like an eternal kitten. Actually, I think she’s a pretty badass feline. Sibling and I heard her meowing from someone’s front yard at night during the july 4 block party. We sat on the curb and she pranced over to us, meowing and purring and rubbing all over us. My indoor cat, Milo, doesn’t give us that much affection. Emma’s meow sounds like a dying babying. I don’t understand how she is so trusting and has lived for so long. Sibling tried to give her water and a treat but she wouldn’t take them. Of course we begged Mother to let us keep Emma in the garage for one night at least so we knew she was safe. But no. Emma followed us home and sat on the porch, though I suspect it was mostly to annoy Milo who was sitting at the window hissing and spitting all night. Emma just batted those eyes way too huge for that tiny face and cocked her head in a distinctly female "I am Queen, sorry dude."

Anyway, knowing that Emma’s days seem seriously numbered (and preventably so) makes my gut wrench and my blood go to my eyes. If you buy a pet you should take care of it. I find Emma’s predicament a result of distinct Asshole behavior, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Oh, and Emma’s owners are in Arizona right now. Emma is left to fend for herself. Not that the girl can’t. But I’d really like to give her a home, safety (well Coyote or Milo, which is worse), and steady food that isn’t hunted for.

Not like Neighbors would notice she was gone.