Stupid doctors

First, for the happy stuff. I’m done with my job! I don’t have to do anything today at all. Of course, I probably will end up doing a lot of stuff, because I can’t stand to just sit and do nothing. Which is the problem–I have a pretty bad case of ADD.

I didn’t get diagnosed with it until I was 20, because it’s ADD, not ADHD (the hyper kind), and when most people think of ADD, they picture a little boy who can’t sit still. Plus, I did ok in school, because I’m good at taking tests, so even though I never did my homework or paid attention in class, I got good grades.

The reason I found out I had it was that they were testing my sister for it. There was this big long 100 or so question test, and my mom was filling it out for her and realized that it was basically a very detailed description of me, down to tiny little details like putting things in envelopes, addressing them, and then forgetting to mail them.

So I went to a doctor, who pretty quickly agreed that I have a classic case of ADD, and wanted to put me on Adderall. At the time, I was working at a caregiver job, where I was responsible for taking care of other people, so I didn’t want to mess with medication. And then I just never went back to the doctor, or did anything else about it.

So I finally decided, since I’m going to go back to school hopefully soon, that I needed to do something about this, because I know I won’t do well in school unless I have this under control. So I went through all the (long, ridiculous) steps of getting approved by my insurance for an appointment, setting up an appointment (which I had to do 2 months in advance), and finally last week, going to the appointment.

The doctor first of all does not seem to have a grasp on the difference between ADD and ADHD. I have a few ADHD symptoms, like fidgeting and insomnia, because I drink too much caffeine (which is very common in adults with ADD–kind of a self-medicating thing). So I think he’s convinced I have ADHD, because I could tell that he wasn’t really listening to me, and already had it in his head what was wrong with me and what needed to be done before I even opened up my mouth.

Almost all ADD meds are stimulants. I’ve done a lot of research on it, and know exactly how they work, and what I need is either Ritalin or Adderall, probably Adderall. But he prescribed me the one med that isn’t a stimulant, and in fact makes people drowsy. Which is clearly the wrong choice, since I already have 9 or 10 cans of diet coke a day just so I can stay alert.

So I’m pissed off. I just started taking it today, because I didn’t want to mess with something that makes me drowsy until I was done with my job. I’m trying to ignore the fact that I’m dizzy and tired, and tell myself it’s all in my head, but I’m pretty sure these are real side effects. Which means that I’m going to have an even HARDER time concentrating.

And I don’t get to go back until April, so I have to take this until then. I would just stop taking it, except I don’t think he’ll take me seriously about starting any other drug until I give this one a fair chance, because then he might think I’m just trying to get Adderall so I can sell it or something. My dad (who’s a doctor) told me that a lot of psychiatrists are very against prescribing any stimulants, just because they have street value. Even though they really help people who actually have the disorder.

Sorry, that was very long. Just complaining. I hate this doctor, but I can’t switch because it would be such a hassle with my insurance. I hope at least at my appointment in April, he’ll give me something that actually helps!