01/16/2013

I am going back tomorrow

away from these palm trees and  the san gabriel mountains

away from my over-controlling mother

my antisocial father

my brother who doesn’t have to say he misses me

and my two cats that already seem to be punishing me for leaving

 

This time I don’t really want to go back

I have a lot of anxiety about going back

dealing with this ex housemate that was also my closest friend and a fight I don’t think we’ll ever recover from

mostly because I think she gave up hope in me

which I guess is fair, I mostly gave up hope in me too.

 

I don’t want to be here either

I sort of want to get in my car and drive away from everything

just run away and not come back

to somewhere where no one knows all the mistakes I always make

but that’s childish

 

I’m going back and keeping my backbone

and it’s going to be great

I hope it’s going to be great

please don’t be terrible.

 

phoebe