rest of my life

this week feels like the beginning of the rest of my life.

this whirlwind of a semester has 2 days left.

 

Letting go has always been too hard for me

I hold on to little pieces of people for as long as I can.

I think, because holding onto people makes me feel safe, appreciated, rooted in something.

 

but, there are a lot of situations where it is better to let go.

I’m working on letting go, not holding on so tightly to people that want me to let go.

it’s actually kind of embarrassing

 

He wanted out for so long and he stayed because he felt bad for me

this poor little broken girl

with no love for herself

herpes and a false smile

holding on so tight for fear of letting go and being only myself.

 

it’s been a month and a half and I feel so strong in myself

but I’m still holding onto pieces of someone who forgot me the moment he walked out the door

 

there is a part of me that wants to tell him not to forget me, not to forget the good things

to tell him that I was different, it was just the wrong time, you can’t forget me just because you found someone new

I’m awesome and unique, you’re never going to meet anyone like me again, so you better not forget.

but really that was what he was to me, to him I was. just. a. face.

I was an easy good fuck, with a nice smile and a love of hiking and animals.

nothing more nothing less.

and slowly, I am coming to terms with that.

 

I always wonder how people will remember me, a selfish reaching thought, but an interesting one nonetheless

phoebe