pale blue eyes
I’m back home for the first time since july.
The streets look the same.
the people are the same.
But I am not.
I haven’t ever felt it as distinctly as I do right now.
my house is clean.
our house is never clean.
it smells different.
it doesn’t smell like home.
my cat doesn’t even look the same.
I feel like a stranger, a tourist in my old life.
this place will never be home again.
I’ve seen almost all of the california coast in the last 2 days.
Just me and my housemate.
there is something between us.
I mean like, it doesn’t feel like we’re just friends.
We’re close friends, maybe it’s just weird that I have a male close friend, since I’ve never had one before.
and maybe I’m just being weird because I’m looking for someone new to fixate on.
phoebe