Letter to: the one that got away

I can’t sleep. And I’m wondering about you. I just checked your facebook, and even though I deleted you, I do check your profile periodically. You haven’t changed your picture in 3 years, the last wall post is 3 months ago. 11 months ago people wrote birthday wishes on your wall. You really are like a figment of my imagination. I heard 2 years ago that you were going to propose to that girl. When I asked you about it you denied it.
Where are you? Gosh, I mean that in so many different ways…
Do you know that I still think about you at least a couple times a week?
I forgot to wish your mother a happy mothers day last year. I’m going to do it again this year. She’s my only link to you, and I loved her like I loved you. You were so perfect to me. She was therefore, equally perfect, for creating someone so perfect.
Were you even real at all? I wonder if this will be the year I will tell her what I really think and feel. I wish I could even just see you again, so I could know if I still feel anything at all.
I am still with that guy I told you I break up with. Do you remember when I said that I finally understood why you broke up with me? And that I felt I was in the same position you had been? Guess what: I lied. I thought I understood. I was wrong. Do you want to know what happened? I remembered when you broke up with me, and you needed time and space. Instead I gave you an ultimatum. So you left. You should have known I would have still been there. Through anything. I would have taken a bullet. Or worse.
So I remembered all of that. And I knew, like I know my own name, that he would still be there for me no matter. So I took my time, found myself and realized that he would do anything. Change himself for the better. Just as I would have for you. I would have stopped the jealousy, or at least hidden it better. Worked on my argumentative tendencies. Seen a shrink. Anything. Ansolutely, anything to keep you in my life. You could have beaten me and I still would have worshipped the ground you stood on. You KNEW that. So how, knowing that, you could stand there, on the other side of the phone, and tell me that it was over, I will never, not until my last breath has left my body, will I understand.

*EDIT*
Just to clarify:
This man never would have beaten me, in a million years! That was a crazy thing I wrote to emphasize how I wouldn’t have left. The ultimatum was: he had broken up with me, told me he needed a break. I called him 2 days later and told him he needed to make up his mind now or I was done. So he said “its done”. But the truth was, I would have been there hell or high water, even if he turned into a crazy man who beat me.