Just a freakout about nothing

     I don’t even know what to write about the way I feel right now. I think I just dont’ know what to do about actually liking someone. I don’t like it. I hate this feeling. I hate it. I dont’ feel like I’m good enough, I feel like it’s not real, he can’t really like me, and I worry. I hate it. It’s so stupid!

     I’m so insecure and he’s got me figured out. At first he was like all chasing me around, and now he knows that I like him and he’s got this weird attitude…I can’t quite even explain it. Almost like he’s cocky cuz he doesn’t have to try. I gave him head yesterday…but I teased the shit out of him. It was only for a few seconds and he looked me in the eye after and said, "never in my life has anyone given me head that good".

     I believe him…but I don’t like being so fucking pathetic like this…I was sucking on his neck and he told me he didn’t want any hickeys. I was like, ok that’s cool. But then when I went to give him one on his stomache he freaked out again. I was like, "who the fuck is going to see your stomache?!"
     His reply was, "lots of people" but then he wouldn’t tell me who, or how. wtf is that? I’m sooo tempted to walk away. I don’t like this at all.

     So I was just talking to Laz and he said that my only mistake was giving him head. Things would have been fine if I hadn’t done that…I wish I didn’t he’s proly right.

     I guess I should wait for him to call me back, Laz I mean…for advice. gah!

    They’re all great guys, though, aren’t they? They all seem awesome…but I hate this feeling I fucking HATE RELATIONSHIPS!