Ryan…:P

     So, I have been feeling a lot better for some reason. Ryan didn’t come over 2 days in a row. But he talked to me on msn from across that hallway. If it was someone like Miche, Miche would just walk over and be like, "hey what’s up?" and then walk away. But Ryan doens’t really socialize with anyone, so him talking to me on msn is good I guess. He came on msn at 12:40am last night and asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was going to bed. I was really busy studying yesterday. Steve’s thoughtfulness really helped me out. I told myself that I wasn’t going to care about other people’s opinions, only my own. I studied all yesterday and just kept plugging along. He messaged me twice yesterday, it made me happy. the second time, at 12:40 am…he asked me if it was ok if he visited me today at 12. I checked my schedule and my only open time was at 12. I don’t know if he did that on purpose or not…he might have checked Biddle’s schedule…I don’t know, I’m wondering. I haven’t been thinking TONNES about it though. I just thought it was funny that he waited so long to talk to me…he said he was leaving today at 4pm to go to Madoc but he would see me before he left. It’s 5:30 now and he’s still here, just like he did last week. I don’t think he ended up leaving until like…7pm last week. Or last time…I dont remember. I’m trying to not obsess over it.

     He told me that he woudn’t come right at 12 because he had to do something or something like that…I was like, that’s cool because I had a lot of shit to do anyways. Holy cow, mad stress. I only had an hour break in between classes and that was when Ryan wanted to come over. I was scrambling around trying to find 50 dollars for my residence fee because I dind’t know there was a fee…I had to tell Ryan to go and come back in 10 mins because I was really busy. I managed to make twenty minutes for him or something like that. He said he was getting back on Monday at 10am. I asked him if he would come and meet my friends that night. I think he probably will. He seems a lot better with the idea than he was before…he doesn’t have that distant, panicked look when I mention it. I give him lots of space and time…
     He had a funny look on his face today though. I said to him that we should hang out outside of residence sometime. He had that funny panicked look again but then it kind of went away and he said, "ya, we could do that". Sometimes I really wonder what goes through his mind…I am talking/thinking about it too much. I don’t want to panic. Cuz then what happens is I want to be closer to him, then I start to smother him, then he panics, then when he panics, he distances himself from me more, which in turn causes me to panic more…and thus the cycle of why it ended the first time. So I have to end it right here by not panicking/discussing it too much. If I want it to somehow work I have to show him what a fun person I am. Keep myself as far away as possible, keep myself busy, have fun without him, etc. I need to stop sitting around wishing he would talk to me. That’s not going to make him want to talk to me, or change things in any way. So even though the kid is still online…so probably here…I’m not going to think about it.
     However…I would like to add…you should have seen his reaction when I told him on Monday after the reading week that I haven’t done anything with anyone since the day he came to talk to me! He kissed me like I was the most exciting person ever! It was really cool. So I’ll just leave things even though it’s really not logical at all that we will be together. He says he’s going to visit me in Thunder Bay, he says that when school starts again, even though he’s not going to be here, he wants me to come visit him in Madoc. He said road trip when he mentioned Thunder Bay and I was like, "ya, you should come with some of ur friends, that’s a long drive". (at least 7 hours) He replied with, "no, I’ll come alone" I was like, "what?" He said "ya, then it can be just me and you". I was like whoa! How sweet is that?

     Alright, I think I’ll end this one here. Red, Blue, Shortcakes, stardreamer, Alicia, Steelheart, hupakoe and imagine, you have all read the story from the beginning and I think I am ready to hear your input. From what you know, what do you think of this guy? Do you think he’s real? Or do you think he’s a dick with some kind of other motive…? I want your comments, good or bad!