Must Get Out

I never been so scared before in my life. my paranoid overcame me and i couldn’t take it. just another brushing with my inner demons. i couldn’t escape the voices and the feeling of it all. I was shaking uncontrollable and couldn’t stop crying. i think it was beyond the issues i’m already dealing with. I just don’t know how much more I can take of these epsiodes. I hate it so much. It sucks even worse that no one can understand or really help me. I feel completely hopeless and feel even more alone. I swear it just seems to get worse as they come and go. I don’t know when they come, and I never know when it will ever end. I get so paranoid and freaked out. I couldn’t stay in my house. Too many thoughts of different ways I could hurt myself. I wish I was normal, able to control myself, and sometimes I can’t even do that. It’s really beyond my control and I hate that so much too. I just wish I could just brush it off, but if only it was that easy. If only life was that easy. I feel bad for those who have to deal with it when it does occur and they are around for it. I never meant for anyone to understand it and I don’t want anyone to feel it’s their need to help me. It’s my own thing and I gotta deal with it. It’s never something you can just get used too. I don’t want my parents to know about this, I don’t want to show weakness in their eyes. I think half of the times they don’t want to really believe that one of their kid isn’t normal. I just gotta hid it from them. They never have taken me serious about this before, so it wouldn’t change the fact now. I hope one day it will disappear, that is, if I don’t disappear first..