Working girl gets a call from a client’s wife
This scenario played itself out in real life recently and the startled working girl second-guessed herself time and again before boldly sharing her story with the online world:
She knew right away when the female caller asked "who am I talking to?" The caller spoke with pain and sadness in her voice while displaying a touch of personal strength. The caller knew the full working name and of the working girl’s website.
I so loved that the working girl was so sure of herself in wanting to fess-up to her role in the husband’s life, and that she followed her instincts that way.
The conversation lasted 20 minutes and the wife was never angry and went so far as to assure the working girl that she wouldn’t be judged. This sharp-minded working girl reasoned that the wife deserved the truth and (surely since all parties were already so far in) she told her the truth. The working girl went on to explain that she was only following her own heart’s instinct and that perhaps another caller with a different attitude would have received an entirely different response.
The wife even went on to identify a "caring and intelligent" person in the role of working girl and suggested that under different circumstances they could have been friends.
The working girl went on to promise the wife that the working girl would end all contact with the husband and she did so with every intention of keeping her word. The working girl was impressed that the wife spoke softly and never swore. In the end the wife thanked the working girl for taking the time to talk and be honest with her, which had been the last thing the wife expected.
The working girl admonished all clients and could-be clients as follows: "this is a human being speaking. Do not tell me what to do in the event that your wife calls me. Do not tell me to show no compassion or comfort. Do not tell me to hang up and play dumb."
She went on to add: "If you did not want us to assist you with your marriages you wouldn’t likely be seeking our company in the first place".
This woman felt no anger. Instead she was sad and felt the pain of the woman caller.
The working girl adds: "For the sake of my reputation I will do what I feel is the right thing and in this case the right thing given this particular client, our history and the delicate information she shared with me at the beginning of the call, was to do what I did. As I’ve said, with another person on another day the results may have been different. I’m sharing this because it’s a reality check for those who might neglect to erase data from their telephone or computer."
She went on to say that a central interest of the wife was the time frame of the husband’s visits to the working girl as it related to a seemingly shared effort the married couple had been making during that period.
By coincidence the husband happened to contact the working girl on the same day and before learning of the phone call initiated by his wife. This afforded the working girl a chance to confide to him that his wife had phoned her, and that she’d been armed with considerable factual information. The working girl told the husband of having shared the truth with his wife. He "did not sound angry" and "did not sound even frustrated or shocked" by the disclosure.
The working girl gives a nice review of the anonymous husband’s character and speaks of his "deserving the very best" and that she "made the effort to do what she thought was right for him, knowing his character and needs to some degree".
In closing she added hope that nobody reading would ever need to "test" his working girl in this regard while hoping that no other fellow working girls have to get a phone call like that one.
Personally I couldn’t have been more impressed by the working girl’s instincts in reacting on the fly and reasoning her way through a very difficult situation for all sides.
What is incredibly entertaining about this is the wrath unleashed upon her by the most idiotic and seemingly-moralistic-had-they-not-been-so-obviously-immoral fellow participants in the sex industry. Lots of guys were assuring that they would never do business with this working girl merely for having (a wholly inappropriate) expectation of discretion coming with the cost of a one-hour session.
I can’t get over these guys who can’t understand that the only thing that maintains some amount of discretion for both hooker and john is the societal stigma against those on either side of the fuck-for-pay. That is to say that once any potential benefit to one side out-weighs the risk in terms of being condemned by some segment of society, that person can be totally expected to sell their discretion to the highest bidder.
Let me use the example of an author of a blog I wrote about here perhaps six or eight years ago now. She was a peep show girl at a sex store in the Minneapolis area and she wrote the most awesome narration of what it was like for her to be quasi-masturbating naked on one side of a glass partition while men were in fact obviously masturbating on the other side of the glass.
She had wonderfully descript nicknames for many of her clients and she liked to post fairly risque photos of herself as well. The woman is a good writer and was a rather attractive peep show girl as well.
Now were there not such a giant social stigma about men who would go to a peep show and masturbate to a naked woman, there would be scores and scores of men today selling stories of their no-contact sexual encounters with what has since become Academy Award-winning writer Diablo Cody (see the movie "Juno" for details). It is absolutely crazy to believe that, if National Enquirer came calling with big money, some of the men who once jacked-off to Diablo Cody’s naked beaver wouldn’t sell their stories and some dignity for the big bucks.
Along the same lines, any coupling of john and working girl has the potential to match somebody presently famous or somebody who will be famous to an opposite who might make money or something else from spilling the beans.
(*This would probably never happen in the case of Diablo Cody as she doesn’t seem to care to hide very much about her past)
The point is that were it not for society looking down on both johns and on working girls, neither side could assure the discretion they tend to know today. It is only because very little of society cares about either side of most sex-for-money trades that each can routinely expect discretion.
Men paying for a sex act (or for "an hour of a woman’s time", as some like to believe) have no right to place any future stipulations on what can and cannot be shared with
others about that hour of time. One could argue that this husband/client may owe the woman the fee for a 20-minute session since it was his own carelessness which found the wife taking up 20 minutes of the working girl’s time without compensation.
You just won’t believe how adamant some of these self-absorbed (undoubtedly married) men/clients were about their seeming right to expect a working girl in a similar situation to say nothing about them at all.
From a strict behavioral standpoint, and having nothing to do with sex or hookers, it was still the right move to show some vulnerability when seemingly caught like a deer in the headlights in such a scenario. There are some places from which far-fetched lies not only wouldn’t extracate you, but would only dig you a deeper hole in which to bury yourself. Upon reaching a place which limits your moral mobility like that, anybody is best to tell the truth and face the consequences sooner rather than later, when the hole (and the consequences) would only get bigger.
Let me also use the example of hooker and john deeply engaged in a car date at such a time as when the police arrive on the scene and can clearly identify two naked people having sex in a car. A john in such a scenario would be an absolute fool to expect the working girl to lie on his behalf about their relationship to one another. He should indeed anticipate that the hooker is telling the full truth to one of the officers on the scene while he is (stupidly making up his own plausible-only-in-his-mind story in front of another officer).
When you’re in that deep it only makes sense to humble yourself and endure a little discomfort or a small fine and court appearance rather than risk something much greater.
I fully supported the working girl in her interactions with the client’s wife… and she took the time to write me a thank-you note in appreciation.
(I only wish she would get to know how the marriage plays out over time – just so she can better appreciate her own sincerity as offered to the distraught wife)
Thank you for writing this post. I would hope that your opinion is heard and shared by other clients of sex workers. It’s guys like you that help to make our working lives safer when you share your opinions and first-hand experiences in such a respectable and intelligent manner.
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This entry served as a reminder to me that this could happen. I think I need to spend some time thinking about how I could handle such a situation. “So, your husband pays a man for sex…” Hmm. Awkward.
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I think it cuts deeper that it is a working girl and not some regular office fuck. I messed around with a married man. His wife called me and was very mad, using not the best language. I hung up on her. She than had her daughter call me. I had her put the mother on the phone and said, speak to your husband not me! Maybe if she would have came across in another way than maybe I would have talked toher. They all get caught in the end. Plus a women knows when a man is doing her wrong.
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I agree with you. The working girl had every right to act according to her instincts, and the john (or the ones who responded to her post) had no right to expect her to lie for him. It’s really his responsibility to be the one maintaining discretion in the relationship, not hers. And you’re right, if anything, he is at fault for her having to deal with the confrontation (although not terribly unpleasant in this particular instance)with his wife. That is certainly not something that he should expect to go along with their arrangement, and if it should happen, the working girl should feel free to respond however SHE chooses.
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I like this working girl. And I like the way that both the client and his wife reacted. It was fair to the working girl… as she wasn’t the one who was breaking a vow or doing anything “wrong”.
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ryn: haha of COURSE I wanna know if you’re eating Doritos!!! And what you said about patterns is oh-so-true. Uncanny how you pointed that out just now, so applicable. And you know, I had just a handful of readers before you posted that first anonymous note (then nominated for RC) and because of that, I have made so many wonderful and life-changing friends here. So, I think a *thank you* is in order.
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nawwww….not tired of my DIARY just the broken record I’ve become. Thank you so much for all your insightful and encouraging notes. I appreciate you taking the time to understand. I’ve added you to friends, where I talk about the particulars of my husband’s case. And I’ll take a photo entry off private called “sordid cast of characters” just for a bit since you inflated my egowith all the compliments… But the long and the short of it is that he was arrested back in May for having sex with a girl starting at age 12 and continuing till the present. Yes, while he was married to me, not from the past. It has since come to light that he also sexually abused his own daughter of the same age, which she and I reported about three weeks ago, and there have been possible other victims as well. My emotions have run the gamut, but now that I have learned what he did to his daughter, I feel like much of the beginning of this diary is irrelevant, where I agonize over how I feel about him. He has yet to even enter a plea or be sentenced for the sexual relationship with the babysitter. He has yet to even be charged for what he did with his daughter…cont…
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….which took place in a different state…so once he gets out of jail for this one, there’s another state waiting in line yet again. And the minimum sentences for child rape run around 20 years…so yeah… ryn: Funny, you aren’t the first person who has told me how I aim low socially. I blame it on several things. Maybe I’ll write about it soon. I have another diary here if you’re interested. I started out calling it my ‘sex diary’ because I got really hypersexual this summer and wanted to write about how and why I turned out the way I am, in the hopes of figuring out just what that even was. But I tend to go on a lot about love and romance and all that too….but anyhow… the name of it is redder-is-better and only about maybe four or five people read it. But seriously, thanks again…for your notes and also for noticing me in the first place. Because of that entry, I met two people specifically who have really walked me through this summer and fall every heart-wrenching step of the way, holding my hand, and it has meant the world to me. 🙂
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Ryn: you just missed my shopping trip a few days ago!! Lol. Im not sure when im going grocery shopping again, but i will be sure to take a picture.
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You should have just said, “Yes I would like to be added to your friends list.” LOL. You’re so long winded…
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RYN: Well they aren’t meant to be lust inducing since they are really just for my modeling portfolio haha. Which is one of the reasons (other than OD’s rules of course) that I made it FO. I know that only my usual readers (who bare with my lack of entries when I don’t write for awhile and my boring entries) would actually care about seeing them.
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Again, thank you for your thoughtful notes and your input into my situation. It really means a lot that you don’t think he was attracted to me because my body looks like a teenager’s. I lost a lot of confidence there for a bit in considering that possibility. I believe, in reference to my future, that it is alone time that I need. And lots of it. I plan on dating a lot, because I can, but I really am gaining so much strength of late in the silence. Learning to hear my voice and listen to what I think. Learn my instincts. You are right. There is something in my past that leads me in this pattern. These diaries are a tool for putting my finger on it. I haven’t pieced it all together yet. I would absolutely love therapy. My husband’s therapist was wonderful (the few times he saw her.) I wonder if I could afford it soon. I really feel that I allowed him to brainwash me. Lose my internal voice and sense of reason. When we first met, I fought and resisted his point of view vehemently. Same with religion, growing up. At age 4-5 I fought it with all my mental faculties, but eventually bought it hook line and sinker until college. <
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—-so, it is a crucial piece in my puzzle, I believe. That I doubt my own judgment, and rely on male authority figures to “show me the truth.” Because that’s twice now my own brain has resisted something that I then allowed to take over my life, that I devoted myself to completely, only to realize in the end that it was all wrong. Thank you for your description of “filters.” That makes sense to me. It gives me lots of things to consider. No, I didn’t see this coming, not in a million years, because of how GOOD he is at manipulating. It’s only in hindsight that I see all the red flags, and his patterns. It’s how I’ve discovered even more that he’s done, without him even needing to tell me. Authoritative men…professors, preachers, or anyone highly opinionated…hold a very strong influence over me…I immediately feel inferior and doubt myself. I’d like to get to the very bottom of this.
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hahaha…yes, i am most happy that we can let our hair down a bit. the other diary is so sad and martyrific that i had to make this other one to be myself from a different angle and not scare the older ladies who read me there. ten inches…is a BITCH. there is in fact NOWHERE to put it…it’s just goddamn painful and the only real benefit…
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…is when I’m on top riding. in my subsequent sexual adventures this summer, both dudes had smallish cocks and i assumed i wouldn’t be able to feel it. i kinda couldn’t. however they were both incredible in bed so it made me wonder what’s the big fuss about porn star cocks anyway. i would prefer an average one, thick, maybe 5 or 6 inches, which is what i had before my husband.
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you keep alluding to this, and at any rate i’ve been wondering myself….perhaps i should change my “chosen environs”….but to what?!?!? god, what else is there to do? join a club? your zipper analogy is right on. emotionally, one partner is always superior to the other, or enjoying a greater degree of power…never in my life have i experienced a balanced emotional bond with another man.
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as far as my bar experiences have gone this summer…it’s catastrophic. admittedly, i am arriving on the scene overly emotionally and sexually needy, causing me to expect too much. and, i only go to this one dive bar which surely is not filled with the choicest of selections. all the same there were many times where i sat around for hours, listening to the band, doing crosswords…cont
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…and no one (maybe one)…would try to talk to me. I suppose I should choose more savory environs, but those swanky bars just rub me the wrong way, and dance clubs…no, not me anymore. I suppose after the girls have left I will choose healthy outlets like the “hiking group” or the “farming club” or whatever else aligns with my interests. right now my interests are music and sex. bars it is.
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and thanks for the song 🙂
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I left extended comment to this entry in Alazar, mainly because there are not enough characters available in OD for all I wished to say. this entry is one of your best, John.
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If it’s the same man, I recall he used to have a call-in show on MTV (that I never watched.) I will certainly check his radio show out, based on your advice. Your suggestions mirror my current vague notion that I should STOP MY NORMAL PATTERN and just listen and learn for a while. Seek understanding of my SELF and my PAST so that this constant raging sense of untapped potential (intellectual, sexual, social, and for intimacy) that I’ve been fretting over for …..my whole entire life…can be remedied. You are right, I am quite curious to see just where I could end up in life if I give myself half the chance to try. I have a firm understanding that I have been selling myself short all these years. It’s why I have such a tremendous sense of loss and wasted time. And, your notes have given me MUCH food for thought and many ideas for writing….THANK YOU…I’ve grown so tired of just recounting the horrendous events that unfold in my life on a weekly basis. I’d much rather reflect and respond, than just vomit details all over my diary. Now, off to my other diary 🙂
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🙂 (audible, humorous sounds on this end as well!) you do know how intrigued i am by the mysterious, after all… as far as my current goal: you see, i perceived my husband (5 years ago) to be that trophy. perfect physique, incredible in bed…he had a way of playing up his strengths and downplaying his (glaring) weaknesses. i had just left a first marriage to a sexually clueless man
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…i thought ‘look at what i’m walking around with, this gem of a man, it must reflect well on me’ i was having the best sex of my life and at the time it’s all i cared about. now? i don’t suppose it’s a trophy i seek. (this is somewhat contradictory to my “list” that i made)…like you suggest, it is important for me to be raw, vulnerable, and open…i think it’s the only way i will
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learn my true self. the key is to not TIE MYSELF DOWN (like i almost did in october to that crazy *but sweet* guy). i make horrible social choices. for some reason i resent and detest the “good” choices of mates. i’ve had “good” guys court me, ones with money, stable, normal, intelligent, from good families…i ALWAYS reject them. why? i have some ideas, and i’ll be exploring them soon.
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funny…because i think i may have the opposite problem. i don’t seem to have trouble being waaaaayyyyyyyyyyy attracted to someone (who would be bad for me) so i must tear myself away. no. in every EVERY relationship/sexual encounter i’ve had…they have always been more attracted to me than i was to them. or at least it starts that way. i suppose i have YET to be ‘swept off my feet’…
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…with the slight caveat that there have been a few instances when, AFTER, i dove into something that didn’t necessarily pique my interest initially, the man gained the upper hand and i was left high and dry in the power struggle. i’m in the middle of one of those now…except i let him ignore me for a month and now he calls me every saturday to hook up (which i haven’t yet b/c of the kids)
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okay, it’s the other me. gosh this may get confusing eventually, lol. trust and vulnerability, two things necessary at the core of any good relationship…he could give neither of them to me. we talked about it several times. as far as your suggestion that something about his past produced an effect in him, that as a result, in some yet-to-be-determined way, is a turn-on for me?i shall have to devote some thinking to that. my knee-jerk response would be to admit that, indeed, at the very least, i am ALWAYS a sucker for the hurt, damaged boy who doesn’t trust anyone, but i can get him to trust JUST ME because of my intuition and vast stores of love and compassion *yes, that was supposed to be a bit sarcastic*. thereby making me not just his confidante, but everything he never had…essentially a maternal figure who heals all his wounds. now. this boy i dated in october? fit the bill to that description 1,000% PLUS he offered me all the emotional and physical intimacy i had been STARVING for in my marriage. yet YET i felt the urgent need to RUN THE FUCK AWAY this time. and i think it’s b/c i’m starting to wise up. just a little bi
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or maybe not, how should i know. it also occurs to me that in addition to fulfilling this maternal role, this scenario causes me to also become an object of worship and adoration. rendering me far superior to all other females. (this little ego-nugget i have been aware of for several years…don’t know why i feel the need to eclipse other women) in recent months, and with recent new involvements with internet people, a dim light is beginning to shine on what REALLY turns me on about a man, instead of what turns ME on about how I turn men on….(did that make sense?) it goes back to worship…i want to worship a man, his qualities, his mind, his power over me…and i want to be submissive (to a man actually WORTHY of it) now, this initial scenario i described pretty much precludes that from happening…which may indicate WHY I’VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY IN RELATIONSHIPS. i’ve always been the one with all the power…and it’s not ACTUALLY what i want. it’s what i FALL INTO yet in the end is unsatisfying because i don’t actually RESPECT my mate b/c of how much he needs me, which at first, is what drew me in to begin with. i suppose it’s the age-old c
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I am extremely impressed by her actions. “Working girls” are people, too and even though some people judge them and believe that they are people without morals, they couldn’t be more wrong.
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hey now!!! we were in LOUISIANA shooting at stuff, hmmkkk??? the arkansas branch, funny enough, do NOT shoot at stuff. they sit around the dinner table and have intellectual conversations. (i’m assuming.) nope, no alcoholics. hmmmmm…..could be my dad…b/c even though i say i’m a daddy’s girl….he can be gruff and distant…. but i think maybe it could be my peersin general…i have plenty of sad lonely memories from ages 4 and up about not connecting with other kids and being kind of an outcast…or that girl out there on the margin. i’m gonna find loveline too…try to see if i can listen to it here at work on the headphones. have a good day 🙂
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Ryn: haha! I promise i will get it done for you. And ill even note you and let you know. Last night my mom and i did a bit of christmas shopping. But that doesnt count lol. 😛
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Ryn: Yes! Well noticed, it’s absolutely from Counting Crows. I’m a fan 🙂
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ryn : aww thanks 🙂 you should drop by more often 😛 xx
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ryn: Actually, I don’t. I just didn’t know if you meant her or not. She’s been reading me awhile, lol. What makes you think I get like 400 private notes? 😛
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I hope that if I am ever in that situation I can be as nice and calm as the wife in this story. It would be hard though, even if I understood that it wasn’t truly the working girls fault.
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RYN: exactly. naming your child like that is why some people should never have kids.
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Aww thanks. I write, just not public very often.
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I sent an email to your aim account. Read and respond please?
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i have to know… who is this? well, you don’t have to answer that, but how do you know me? you HAVE to know me? how could anyone know about mabuce’s history class in 9th grade?
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cool. i look forward to reading it
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um. who are you? and where did you get that picture?
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thank you – great piece
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i can very well relate to this scenerio, had that happen a time or two.
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